Well it's finally here. Bow season eve. I remember feeling like this when I was a kid on firearm season eve. (You were expecting me to say Christmas Eve weren't you?) This is one of my absolute favorite times of year. I've spent many, many hours preparing for this. I've spent WAY too much money preparing for this. And I do it on the cheap. I can't imagine how much the guys spend that have to have the newest and best of everything.
I remember reading an article in an old Buckmaster's that described my current condition as A.N.T.L.E.R.S. Another Night To Lose Essential Rest Syndrome. That is about the most perfect description I can think of.
Once I've finished washing my hunting clothes in special scent eliminating soap, drying them with a dirt scented dryer sheet, and sealing them in their airtight plastic bag, I'll head to bed where I toss and turn all night as I replay thousands of different scenarios of what is going to occur tomorrow.
I'll wake up early, eat something less than memorable, put on my gear and head out to the woods. Will this be the year that I finally get a deer with my bow? Which way will they come from? Is the wind going to be in my favor? I wish I had a way to kill all the dang squirrels without making noise. Why does my nose always run like crazy when I'm in a treestand? Why do I never remember that my nose runs like crazy when I'm in a treestand and bring some tissue or something? Should I bring something to eat? Will I actually be able to stay out long enough to get hungry this time? Okay, I'm always hungry, I'll bring a snack.
These and countless other thoughts flit through my mind. Eventually I will nod off only to awaken a few short hours later and actually do all the stuff I was thinking about the night before.
What will tomorrow bring? I'll let ya know.
Related Links
Post #83 is my weapon of choice for tomorrow
Yes I use these
And this is what I'll be sitting in.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
How to Alienate Nearly Everyone
I know that thirty years isn't a significantly large amount of time to spend on this earth. However, I think that I've had a lot of different experiences that many others haven't. I'm sure this has affected how I view the world and the things I believe. That's what I'm going to talk about today. That being said, I know many of my beliefs won't sit well with others. For those of you that find yourself offended...tough.
I believe in God, and that he sent his son Jesus to die for our sins. I don't always live up to the standard that Christ set for us, but I try to do better every day. I'm not one of those Bible thumpers that's going to berate you for how you live your life, especially when I haven't done such a hot job with mine over the years.
I believe that the government DOESN'T exist to provide for the needs of the people. It isn't the responsibility of the government to pay my doctor bills. It isn't the governments responsibility to make sure I have a job or an education. It isn't the governments responsibility to make sure I have a house. Those are all MY responsibilities and if I fail to meet them then the fault is mine and I have no RIGHT to complain. The responsibility of the government is to run the daily operations of a nation and to provide for its defense and the safety of its citizens. Also to provide the media with an endless supply of scandal with which to fuel public outrage over something or other.
I believe people who are overweight shouldn't be allowed to have a disability tag for their vehicle. If anything, they should be required to park further from the entrance. After all, they need the exercise. Addendum to this: This does not apply to people that have thyroid problems or other medical conditions BEYOND their control.
I believe that health insurance shouldn't cover medical procedures that are needed due to unhealthy lifestyle choices. If people had to pay full price for this stuff, a lot of them would give up their bad habits in a hurry. Either that or die early because they can't afford to get themselves fixed up by the doc.
I believe that if you refuse to exercise your right to vote then you should NEVER open your mouth about the way things are in this country. And no, I honestly don't care about your right to free speech. If you're willing to give up one right, why should you be afforded any of the others?
I believe that in a democracy, the majority is supposed to rule. Unfortunately our country has determined that even the minority gets to make decisions. Apparently every tiny faction should have as much say in what we determine to be acceptable as the majority. Sorry, but that just doesn't seem like a democracy to me.
I believe that human life has priority over that of the animal kingdom. If testing animals means we find a cure for a disease that kills humans, then go ahead and test away. I'm not saying that cruelty to animals is okay. But the benefits gained by humanity outweigh the injustice done to animals. Also, I love steak.
I believe that anyone that has served a tour of duty in our armed forces deserves special treatment. And I believe that anyone that talks down about our service men and women should be shipped to France, where they can commune with those cheese eating surrender monkeys.
I believe that driving qualifications need to be much higher. There is a preponderance of incapable drivers on the road. Seriously, how hard is it to use your turn signal, drive the speed limit, and stay in the RIGHT LANE WHEN YOU'RE NOT PASSING SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!
I believe that I've gone on long enough. Let the drama begin.
Related Links
This guy shares a lot of the same thoughts as I on government
There are WAY too many people complaining about our country.
Where some of the greatest quotes of all time have come from.
I believe in God, and that he sent his son Jesus to die for our sins. I don't always live up to the standard that Christ set for us, but I try to do better every day. I'm not one of those Bible thumpers that's going to berate you for how you live your life, especially when I haven't done such a hot job with mine over the years.
I believe that the government DOESN'T exist to provide for the needs of the people. It isn't the responsibility of the government to pay my doctor bills. It isn't the governments responsibility to make sure I have a job or an education. It isn't the governments responsibility to make sure I have a house. Those are all MY responsibilities and if I fail to meet them then the fault is mine and I have no RIGHT to complain. The responsibility of the government is to run the daily operations of a nation and to provide for its defense and the safety of its citizens. Also to provide the media with an endless supply of scandal with which to fuel public outrage over something or other.
I believe people who are overweight shouldn't be allowed to have a disability tag for their vehicle. If anything, they should be required to park further from the entrance. After all, they need the exercise. Addendum to this: This does not apply to people that have thyroid problems or other medical conditions BEYOND their control.
I believe that health insurance shouldn't cover medical procedures that are needed due to unhealthy lifestyle choices. If people had to pay full price for this stuff, a lot of them would give up their bad habits in a hurry. Either that or die early because they can't afford to get themselves fixed up by the doc.
I believe that if you refuse to exercise your right to vote then you should NEVER open your mouth about the way things are in this country. And no, I honestly don't care about your right to free speech. If you're willing to give up one right, why should you be afforded any of the others?
I believe that in a democracy, the majority is supposed to rule. Unfortunately our country has determined that even the minority gets to make decisions. Apparently every tiny faction should have as much say in what we determine to be acceptable as the majority. Sorry, but that just doesn't seem like a democracy to me.
I believe that human life has priority over that of the animal kingdom. If testing animals means we find a cure for a disease that kills humans, then go ahead and test away. I'm not saying that cruelty to animals is okay. But the benefits gained by humanity outweigh the injustice done to animals. Also, I love steak.
I believe that anyone that has served a tour of duty in our armed forces deserves special treatment. And I believe that anyone that talks down about our service men and women should be shipped to France, where they can commune with those cheese eating surrender monkeys.
I believe that driving qualifications need to be much higher. There is a preponderance of incapable drivers on the road. Seriously, how hard is it to use your turn signal, drive the speed limit, and stay in the RIGHT LANE WHEN YOU'RE NOT PASSING SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!
I believe that I've gone on long enough. Let the drama begin.
Related Links
This guy shares a lot of the same thoughts as I on government
There are WAY too many people complaining about our country.
Where some of the greatest quotes of all time have come from.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
How to Properly Form a Rant
I was sitting here this evening watching a favorite cancelled series of mine. Firefly by name. Not many know of this short lived, yet wonderfully entertaining television show. However, my post tonight is not to be about the show. There happened to be a line uttered during the show with which I identify to a very large degree. "Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people." How wonderfully loaded with meaning is that short phrase. So I've decided to talk a bit about the useless people I cannot abide. Disclaimer: There are a few people in each of these categories that happen to fall outside the norm and actually manage to contribute something positive to society. (The exception to this is internet trolls. They have nothing beneficial to offer society.)
Political Extremists-These people give EVERY one a bad name. Because of them all republicans are philandering hypocritical warmongers, and all democrats are anti-American, tree hugging hippies.
Internet Trolls- These are probably the most useless of all the people I am mentioning today. They search internet forums hoping to find or start controversy. They intentionally create inflammatory posts or make offensive comments on other posts just to see internet drama. They love to see people flex their computer muscles knowing that all the effort expended due to their actions is completely wasted and everyone embroiled in the controversy will be worse off in the long run.
Celebrities-While not the biggest problem with society, they definitely rank among the worst of useless people. They are so worried about public approval that they will go to any lengths to get it. I'll admit it does take considerable sacrifice to adopt third world orphans. After all, you have to be willing to give up some of your comforts for you hired help to find the time to take care of your children. Besides trying to make themselves look good, they lend their celebrity to causes of which they are rarely well informed. After all, why wouldn't we want FBI agent killer Leonard Peltier back on the streets?
Career Politicians- I believe this group to be the largest problem with American society. They prance around publicly proclaiming how only they have the intelligence and ability to fix the problems faced by society. If we don't vote for them, then their evil opponent will heap upon us woes of Biblical proportions. Our livestock will die and our children will be born so hideously deformed that they will never know human affection. Unfortunately, they have become so enamored of life in "public service" that they lose any sense of morality or self restraint. Every year we see at least one of these fellows resign amid controversy and scandal. And it doesn't matter what side of the political aisle they are on.
Related Links
Internet trolls beware
Seriously, research the things you say you support
This is what happens with career politicians
Political Extremists-These people give EVERY one a bad name. Because of them all republicans are philandering hypocritical warmongers, and all democrats are anti-American, tree hugging hippies.
Internet Trolls- These are probably the most useless of all the people I am mentioning today. They search internet forums hoping to find or start controversy. They intentionally create inflammatory posts or make offensive comments on other posts just to see internet drama. They love to see people flex their computer muscles knowing that all the effort expended due to their actions is completely wasted and everyone embroiled in the controversy will be worse off in the long run.
Celebrities-While not the biggest problem with society, they definitely rank among the worst of useless people. They are so worried about public approval that they will go to any lengths to get it. I'll admit it does take considerable sacrifice to adopt third world orphans. After all, you have to be willing to give up some of your comforts for you hired help to find the time to take care of your children. Besides trying to make themselves look good, they lend their celebrity to causes of which they are rarely well informed. After all, why wouldn't we want FBI agent killer Leonard Peltier back on the streets?
Career Politicians- I believe this group to be the largest problem with American society. They prance around publicly proclaiming how only they have the intelligence and ability to fix the problems faced by society. If we don't vote for them, then their evil opponent will heap upon us woes of Biblical proportions. Our livestock will die and our children will be born so hideously deformed that they will never know human affection. Unfortunately, they have become so enamored of life in "public service" that they lose any sense of morality or self restraint. Every year we see at least one of these fellows resign amid controversy and scandal. And it doesn't matter what side of the political aisle they are on.
Related Links
Internet trolls beware
Seriously, research the things you say you support
This is what happens with career politicians
Sunday, September 25, 2011
How to Assimilate Into Popular Culture
It's a well known fact that Americans love to conform. It's our passion. Nobody really wants to be unique. Even the non-conformists conform to non-conformist ideology. There are a few people who set the standards for what we conform to. I have the privilege of being one of these. Today I'm going to offer a once in a lifetime opportunity and tell you what it takes to be just like me and by that same token, become one of the most popular people in society.
First off, ignore the latest fashion trends. Those ninny's in New York, Paris, and Milan have no idea what fashion is. Jeans and a t-shirt are timeless. Also, your shirt should never bear the logo of any company. By refusing to sport a company logo, you are showing that you are not a sheep and you have a mind of your own.
Second, refuse to watch any of the top rated television shows. This way, when all of your coworkers are discussing who got voted off of what, you can assume an air of superiority because you are above such mindless drivel.
Also, immerse yourself in hobbies that are considered eccentric. This gives you the advantage of being considered outside of the norm today, but in the future you will be considered a visionary. Scrimshaw and parkour are excellent choices.
Comic books are timeless. Proclaiming your love for them will assure you the social separation so necessary for true popularity. Warning: You cannot fake this one. Sooner rather than later, you will be called to task on your knowledge of this subject. You cannot fool the experts. They will quickly expose you as a fraud if you fail to stand up under their scrutiny. Simply knowing that Clark Kent's middle name is Joseph, or that the names of the goats that pull Thor's chariot are Toothgrinder and Toothgnasher is not enough.
Avoid social interaction like a plague. There is no benefit to be gained in making yourself available to the public. In fact, they will admire you more for the fact that you hold yourself above them.
IT has taken me over three decades, but these practices have helped me reach the apex of societal popularity. It is only through diligent application of these practices that you can hope to raise yourself above the mundane masses to a level of prestige and admiration admired by few.
Related Links
Friday, September 23, 2011
How to Fail Spectacularly
Every now and then you have one of those days that make ya wonder if there is some grand cosmic power with the mentality of a fifth grade sociopath that likes to pull the wings of flies. We'll just say that today was a rough day.
Car maintenance, while critical, is generally not the most desirable of tasks. Yesterday consisted of replacing my brake pads and rotors as well as changing my oil. Completely, amazingly, shockingly, I was able to do that with a minimal amount of time and effort. I didn't break any critical parts, I had all the tools I needed, and there were no leftover odds and ends when I was finished.
Today wasn't like that. Today I had the simple task of having my winter tires and wheels installed. I loaded them into my car and headed to the tire store. I always go to the same place for this. Besides the fact that it's where I got my tires and wheels, I also used to work there. I'm friends with most of the guys and like to shoot the breeze while I'm there. The tech noticed that one of my winter tires was flat, so he inflated it and dipped it in a tank of water to see where it was leaking. He pulled it out of the tank and rolled it over to me and said he couldn't find any leaks. He failed to notice the large bulge in the sidewall of the tire. I did notice and pointed it out to him. I've been gone for two years and still can do the job better than some of the guys there.
So I talk to the salesman about a replacement tire. They happen to show that they have one in stock. After twenty minutes of searching, it turns out they don't. The only store that has one is on the other side of town. I offer to drive over there instead of waiting for them to send someone to get it. After all, I'm in town and it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.
I drive over to the other store and wait about a half hour for them to get my car in the bay. Pop open the trunk and lo and behold, the wheel isn't there. The amazing intellects at the first store forgot to put it in my trunk when they pulled my car out for me. So the guys at this store bag up my tire and I drive back to the first store.
I go back to the other store and finally get my tire installed. I'm pretty sure that if I were a normal customer there would have been a lot more apologizing going on. But I guess that's what I get to deal with for going back to a place where a large portion of the employees had the luxury to witness my many mistakes.
Related Links
I actually don't need help with this.
This is why I have two sets of tires
Fortunately my mistakes never included this.
Car maintenance, while critical, is generally not the most desirable of tasks. Yesterday consisted of replacing my brake pads and rotors as well as changing my oil. Completely, amazingly, shockingly, I was able to do that with a minimal amount of time and effort. I didn't break any critical parts, I had all the tools I needed, and there were no leftover odds and ends when I was finished.
Today wasn't like that. Today I had the simple task of having my winter tires and wheels installed. I loaded them into my car and headed to the tire store. I always go to the same place for this. Besides the fact that it's where I got my tires and wheels, I also used to work there. I'm friends with most of the guys and like to shoot the breeze while I'm there. The tech noticed that one of my winter tires was flat, so he inflated it and dipped it in a tank of water to see where it was leaking. He pulled it out of the tank and rolled it over to me and said he couldn't find any leaks. He failed to notice the large bulge in the sidewall of the tire. I did notice and pointed it out to him. I've been gone for two years and still can do the job better than some of the guys there.
So I talk to the salesman about a replacement tire. They happen to show that they have one in stock. After twenty minutes of searching, it turns out they don't. The only store that has one is on the other side of town. I offer to drive over there instead of waiting for them to send someone to get it. After all, I'm in town and it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.
I drive over to the other store and wait about a half hour for them to get my car in the bay. Pop open the trunk and lo and behold, the wheel isn't there. The amazing intellects at the first store forgot to put it in my trunk when they pulled my car out for me. So the guys at this store bag up my tire and I drive back to the first store.
I go back to the other store and finally get my tire installed. I'm pretty sure that if I were a normal customer there would have been a lot more apologizing going on. But I guess that's what I get to deal with for going back to a place where a large portion of the employees had the luxury to witness my many mistakes.
Related Links
I actually don't need help with this.
This is why I have two sets of tires
Fortunately my mistakes never included this.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
How to Set Fire to an Aluminum Boat
Quite often you will find that I reference stories about my dad. This usually means I couldn't think of anything else to write for the day and he has supplied me with a vast treasure of interesting and/or humorous anecdotes over the years.
You may be a bit incredulous after reading the title of today's post, but I assure you, it is quite possible. Even though it took place before I was born, I was able to confirm this little escapade by talking to actual participants as well as reliable witnesses. The story unfolds thusly:
My dad, his brother in law, and another fellow were all in a boat fishing up at Lake Dubbonnet (French pronunciation, rhymes with, trebuchet.)near Traverse City. Other family member were fishing from shore and were witness to the spectacle that was soon to follow.
Deciding to move the boat, my dad went to start the outboard motor. After several futile yanks on the starting cord, he deduced that they were out of gas. No problem. He opened her up, poured in some gas, spilled a bit all over the motor, and set the gas can at his feet. He then put the cap back on the motor and gave the cord another yank or three. When the spark from the motor ignited the gas, he staggered back and knocked over the gas can.
Well, anyone that understands fire knows what is about to happen. My dad is one of these people. He tried to quickly re-position himself somewhere else in the boat that didn't contain gasoline that was about to burst into flames. (Onlookers would describe this as a mad dash towards the bow.)
It doesn't take a physics major to understand that adding an extra man to the front of a fourteen foot boat is going to change the displacement properties of said boat. As this displacement change took place, gasoline (being a liquid) proceeded to follow the new downward slope presented to it. This sequence of events, which took place in the span of a few short seconds, has been compared to a classic gag from Looney Tunes. Specifically, where Yosemite Sam leaves a trail of gunpowder behind him which Bugs Bunny lights and it chases him down.
My dad, seeing this parallel in person, decided the only logical course of action is to flip the boat over so the water would put out the flames. He quickly leaps up onto the gunnels of the boat which, in fact, caused it to flip. (The fact that the other two guys were hopping around like fleas on a hot griddle probably assisted him somewhat.)
So now all three guys and their gear are in the water. One of the other guys made it known that he had "saved" the anchor.
My dad then swam over to hold onto the boat until another boat could come to their aid. He basically tried to flop up on the boat. He wasn't able to stay there long though as the gasoline continued to burn on top of the water inside the inverted boat. He flung himself back off the boat and did his best to tread water until another boater picked them up. I honestly don't know if they ever recovered any gear besides the anchor.
Many of you are probably beginning to understand just how I came to be the person I am today.
Related Links
Some more good fish stories.
Funny if you're a physics major.
The right way to do fire on a boat.
You may be a bit incredulous after reading the title of today's post, but I assure you, it is quite possible. Even though it took place before I was born, I was able to confirm this little escapade by talking to actual participants as well as reliable witnesses. The story unfolds thusly:
My dad, his brother in law, and another fellow were all in a boat fishing up at Lake Dubbonnet (French pronunciation, rhymes with, trebuchet.)near Traverse City. Other family member were fishing from shore and were witness to the spectacle that was soon to follow.
Deciding to move the boat, my dad went to start the outboard motor. After several futile yanks on the starting cord, he deduced that they were out of gas. No problem. He opened her up, poured in some gas, spilled a bit all over the motor, and set the gas can at his feet. He then put the cap back on the motor and gave the cord another yank or three. When the spark from the motor ignited the gas, he staggered back and knocked over the gas can.
Well, anyone that understands fire knows what is about to happen. My dad is one of these people. He tried to quickly re-position himself somewhere else in the boat that didn't contain gasoline that was about to burst into flames. (Onlookers would describe this as a mad dash towards the bow.)
It doesn't take a physics major to understand that adding an extra man to the front of a fourteen foot boat is going to change the displacement properties of said boat. As this displacement change took place, gasoline (being a liquid) proceeded to follow the new downward slope presented to it. This sequence of events, which took place in the span of a few short seconds, has been compared to a classic gag from Looney Tunes. Specifically, where Yosemite Sam leaves a trail of gunpowder behind him which Bugs Bunny lights and it chases him down.
My dad, seeing this parallel in person, decided the only logical course of action is to flip the boat over so the water would put out the flames. He quickly leaps up onto the gunnels of the boat which, in fact, caused it to flip. (The fact that the other two guys were hopping around like fleas on a hot griddle probably assisted him somewhat.)
So now all three guys and their gear are in the water. One of the other guys made it known that he had "saved" the anchor.
My dad then swam over to hold onto the boat until another boat could come to their aid. He basically tried to flop up on the boat. He wasn't able to stay there long though as the gasoline continued to burn on top of the water inside the inverted boat. He flung himself back off the boat and did his best to tread water until another boater picked them up. I honestly don't know if they ever recovered any gear besides the anchor.
Many of you are probably beginning to understand just how I came to be the person I am today.
Related Links
Some more good fish stories.
Funny if you're a physics major.
The right way to do fire on a boat.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
How to Interview a Celebrity
This is my first, of what I hope is many, interviews. Today's interview is with world renown artist, writer, blogger, and outdoorsman Mike VanLoon.
HD: Mike, I'd like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this interview. I know our readers will greatly appreciate the insight and wisdom you have to offer.
MV: Not a problem at all. I consider it an honor to be selected to be the subject of an interview on such a prestigious blog.
HD: Your wildlife art has gained you much prestige in certain circles. How did you become interested in art to begin with, and what made you choose wildlife as your focus.
MV: I'm not exactly sure how I became interested in art. I just remember always liking to draw. That passion grew as I got older and was fueled by the many awards and honors I received. I focus on wildlife because it's something I have intense interest in and I've always been extremely good at it.
HD: Your drawings are amazing, but I think your fans will agree that your pen and ink work is what really sets you above the majority of the niche.
MV: First of all, I don't believe that anything I do can be considered niche work. Pen and ink is a very popular medium. The same can be said of wildlife art. The fact that I'm very good at combining them should be described as the quintessence of a genre.
HD: That's fair enough. Let's move on to your writing. Where did you get your start with that?
MV: Honestly, that would be second grade. I wrote a book for the Young Authors competition, and while my synopsis of dinosaurian sociophysiology didn't receive the credit it deserved, my interest was nonetheless piqued and I haven't looked back.
HD: What are some of your other writings that we would be familiar with?
MV: My sixth grade Young Authors entry was an award winning play. I've written numerous essays and short stories. I have in my archives a tiny ten page thesis on the fallacy of the anti-hunting movement. I'm also in the process of writing a fantasy novel.
HD: Who would you list as your greatest inspiration when it comes to writing?
MV: This will be an extensive list so bear with me. Pat McManus, Michael Crichton, Louis L'Amour, Zane Grey, Tom Clancy, George R.R. Martin, and Gail Martin. Okay, so it wasn't that extensive.
HD: Let's talk about your blog. Hunter's Diversions has become an internationally read source for individuals seeking humor and insight into nearly anything related to the outdoors. What lead you to develop such an amazing resource?
MV: I would have to say that I saw a need in the blogging community and filled it. There were some pretty good bloggers out there, but nothing top drawer. My friend, Shawn Braham, is the author of one of the better alternatives to my site. I highly recommend your readers check him out.
HD: What advice do you have for anyone else that is thinking about creating a similar blog?
MV: Feel free to give it a shot. However, don't be disheartened when you don't have the success that I enjoy. After all, there can only be on number one.
HD: Why don't we explore your background as an outdoorsman. You have been heralded as the epitome of manly ruggedness, true hunter essence, and humility. How do you handle the inherent burden of such titles?
MV: To me, it's not viewed as a burden. It's a duty, and one that I carry out with pride. After all who else would be worthy of such a responsibility?
HD: Mike, again, I sincerely thank you for your time. I know this interview will provide great inspiration for generations to come.
MV: No thanks necessary, it was my pleasure.
Related Links
Some true masterpieces
I'll give this blog credit for being good.
The most humble person YOU know.
HD: Mike, I'd like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this interview. I know our readers will greatly appreciate the insight and wisdom you have to offer.
MV: Not a problem at all. I consider it an honor to be selected to be the subject of an interview on such a prestigious blog.
HD: Your wildlife art has gained you much prestige in certain circles. How did you become interested in art to begin with, and what made you choose wildlife as your focus.
MV: I'm not exactly sure how I became interested in art. I just remember always liking to draw. That passion grew as I got older and was fueled by the many awards and honors I received. I focus on wildlife because it's something I have intense interest in and I've always been extremely good at it.
HD: Your drawings are amazing, but I think your fans will agree that your pen and ink work is what really sets you above the majority of the niche.
MV: First of all, I don't believe that anything I do can be considered niche work. Pen and ink is a very popular medium. The same can be said of wildlife art. The fact that I'm very good at combining them should be described as the quintessence of a genre.
HD: That's fair enough. Let's move on to your writing. Where did you get your start with that?
MV: Honestly, that would be second grade. I wrote a book for the Young Authors competition, and while my synopsis of dinosaurian sociophysiology didn't receive the credit it deserved, my interest was nonetheless piqued and I haven't looked back.
HD: What are some of your other writings that we would be familiar with?
MV: My sixth grade Young Authors entry was an award winning play. I've written numerous essays and short stories. I have in my archives a tiny ten page thesis on the fallacy of the anti-hunting movement. I'm also in the process of writing a fantasy novel.
HD: Who would you list as your greatest inspiration when it comes to writing?
MV: This will be an extensive list so bear with me. Pat McManus, Michael Crichton, Louis L'Amour, Zane Grey, Tom Clancy, George R.R. Martin, and Gail Martin. Okay, so it wasn't that extensive.
HD: Let's talk about your blog. Hunter's Diversions has become an internationally read source for individuals seeking humor and insight into nearly anything related to the outdoors. What lead you to develop such an amazing resource?
MV: I would have to say that I saw a need in the blogging community and filled it. There were some pretty good bloggers out there, but nothing top drawer. My friend, Shawn Braham, is the author of one of the better alternatives to my site. I highly recommend your readers check him out.
HD: What advice do you have for anyone else that is thinking about creating a similar blog?
MV: Feel free to give it a shot. However, don't be disheartened when you don't have the success that I enjoy. After all, there can only be on number one.
HD: Why don't we explore your background as an outdoorsman. You have been heralded as the epitome of manly ruggedness, true hunter essence, and humility. How do you handle the inherent burden of such titles?
MV: To me, it's not viewed as a burden. It's a duty, and one that I carry out with pride. After all who else would be worthy of such a responsibility?
HD: Mike, again, I sincerely thank you for your time. I know this interview will provide great inspiration for generations to come.
MV: No thanks necessary, it was my pleasure.
Related Links
Some true masterpieces
I'll give this blog credit for being good.
The most humble person YOU know.
Monday, September 19, 2011
How to Contract West Nile Virus
I want to find the guy that decided to torture Michigan hunters with an early deer season. Then I'm going to kick him. We've been waiting for the better part of a year to be able to hunt again and it's an irresistible temptation to get out in the woods a few weeks early just for a chance at some does.
This time of year the weather is usually pretty mild. Mornings are more often that not a little chilly, sometimes with a bit of frost on the ground. That's the perfect time to be in the woods.
But then, sometimes the weather changes. You wake up and it's raining. Grand. You left your safety harness out on the deck overnight. It's soaked. Guess you'll use your backup harness. It's been sitting in the garage for the last year or so and is most likely saturated with all the wonderful smells associated with garages. (If you're not a deer hunter, you won't understand just how much of an aggravation and handicap this is.)
Anyway, you are determined to spend as much time in the woods as possible. You drive out to the woods and get out of your car. You immediately break out in a sweat even though the temps are in the mid 60s. Being from Michigan, you have appropriately purchased only gear that helps keep you warm during the normal hunting season. Being Dutch, you refuse to purchase light weight gear for the warmer weather of the five day early season. It's only five days after all, you should be able to tough it out.
About the same time that sweat is running into your eyes, you are swarmed by clouds of gallinippers. For those of you not familiar with these. They are basically a mosquito mounted on a Boeing 737 frame. Also, instead of the standard proboscis of normal mosquitoes, they are equipped with the equivalent of an 18 volt Milwaukee drill with carbide bit. These HURT when they bite. Not to be outdone, their diminutive cousins show up to the party at a ratio of ten to one. While not as big, their bite seems to have an itch factor measured in magnitudes of ten in comparison to their larger brethren.
So it's raining, you're sweating, and losing blood at an alarming rate. And you haven't even gotten your bow out of it's case yet. Doing this, you head to your stand as quickly as possible, thankful for the rain for a little while because it makes walking much quieter.
You climb to your stand and are finally able to pull your gloves and mask on. This offers some small protection from the miniature vampires, but they continue to buzz incessantly around you, doing everything in their considerable power to distract you. The more intrepid will even find places where your mask is in direct contact with your skin, through which they can assault your circulatory system.
So you sit, trying to do your best to ward off the vicious fiends without too much movement. You pray for a downpour instead of the intermittent showers, if for nothing else than to knock down the mosquitoes and cool you off for a bit. Alas, nature does not comply so you are sitting in a tree, sweating, slightly damp, and itching like you slept in a patch of poison sumac.
Hard to believe you aren't seeing any deer isn't it?
Related Links
More impressive schnozzes. Here.
Here.
And here.
This time of year the weather is usually pretty mild. Mornings are more often that not a little chilly, sometimes with a bit of frost on the ground. That's the perfect time to be in the woods.
But then, sometimes the weather changes. You wake up and it's raining. Grand. You left your safety harness out on the deck overnight. It's soaked. Guess you'll use your backup harness. It's been sitting in the garage for the last year or so and is most likely saturated with all the wonderful smells associated with garages. (If you're not a deer hunter, you won't understand just how much of an aggravation and handicap this is.)
Anyway, you are determined to spend as much time in the woods as possible. You drive out to the woods and get out of your car. You immediately break out in a sweat even though the temps are in the mid 60s. Being from Michigan, you have appropriately purchased only gear that helps keep you warm during the normal hunting season. Being Dutch, you refuse to purchase light weight gear for the warmer weather of the five day early season. It's only five days after all, you should be able to tough it out.
About the same time that sweat is running into your eyes, you are swarmed by clouds of gallinippers. For those of you not familiar with these. They are basically a mosquito mounted on a Boeing 737 frame. Also, instead of the standard proboscis of normal mosquitoes, they are equipped with the equivalent of an 18 volt Milwaukee drill with carbide bit. These HURT when they bite. Not to be outdone, their diminutive cousins show up to the party at a ratio of ten to one. While not as big, their bite seems to have an itch factor measured in magnitudes of ten in comparison to their larger brethren.
So it's raining, you're sweating, and losing blood at an alarming rate. And you haven't even gotten your bow out of it's case yet. Doing this, you head to your stand as quickly as possible, thankful for the rain for a little while because it makes walking much quieter.
You climb to your stand and are finally able to pull your gloves and mask on. This offers some small protection from the miniature vampires, but they continue to buzz incessantly around you, doing everything in their considerable power to distract you. The more intrepid will even find places where your mask is in direct contact with your skin, through which they can assault your circulatory system.
So you sit, trying to do your best to ward off the vicious fiends without too much movement. You pray for a downpour instead of the intermittent showers, if for nothing else than to knock down the mosquitoes and cool you off for a bit. Alas, nature does not comply so you are sitting in a tree, sweating, slightly damp, and itching like you slept in a patch of poison sumac.
Hard to believe you aren't seeing any deer isn't it?
Related Links
More impressive schnozzes. Here.
Here.
And here.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
How to Get the most out of Your Sunday
Gotta love Sundays in the fall. Definitely my favorite days of the year. Quite often it's nice and sunny and not too warm.
I get my kids (if they're not at their mom's) and I up and get ready for church. I/we go to church and visit with some friends I may only see on Sunday. Listen to the sermon. The pastor tries to be funny and the congregation tries to act amused. Then Sunday School and it's off to home.
Depending on how the Lions are doing this year I'll probably follow the game. If they're absolutely sucking, which is usually the case, I might go small game, turkey, or deer hunting, depending on what's open. Odds are I'll return empty handed which saves me the hassle of having to clean anything. If my kids are home with me I try to take them when I go after squirrels. I'll actually be taking my son turkey hunting this year as he's old enough to hunt under Michigan's mentored youth hunting program.. He could go deer hunting but he's not quite strong enough to pull back a hunting bow and he doesn't have enough experience with guns for me to be comfortable with him using a rifle. Besides, it wouldn't do to have him show me up.
Evenings are spent back at church as I'm a sponsor for the high school youth group. It's usually a pretty good discussion as we have some really smart kids and an amazing youth minister. I'm there mainly for comic relief.
After that I head home and relax for a bit. Get the kids ready for bed, then spend some time working on this blog as well as trolling archerytalk.com. After all, no day would be complete without reading a bunch of well thought out, informative, non-biased forum posts.
Then it's off to bed.
Related Links
I must be a masochist.
For those bowhunters with my same passion.
Who needs to be politically correct?
I get my kids (if they're not at their mom's) and I up and get ready for church. I/we go to church and visit with some friends I may only see on Sunday. Listen to the sermon. The pastor tries to be funny and the congregation tries to act amused. Then Sunday School and it's off to home.
Depending on how the Lions are doing this year I'll probably follow the game. If they're absolutely sucking, which is usually the case, I might go small game, turkey, or deer hunting, depending on what's open. Odds are I'll return empty handed which saves me the hassle of having to clean anything. If my kids are home with me I try to take them when I go after squirrels. I'll actually be taking my son turkey hunting this year as he's old enough to hunt under Michigan's mentored youth hunting program.. He could go deer hunting but he's not quite strong enough to pull back a hunting bow and he doesn't have enough experience with guns for me to be comfortable with him using a rifle. Besides, it wouldn't do to have him show me up.
Evenings are spent back at church as I'm a sponsor for the high school youth group. It's usually a pretty good discussion as we have some really smart kids and an amazing youth minister. I'm there mainly for comic relief.
After that I head home and relax for a bit. Get the kids ready for bed, then spend some time working on this blog as well as trolling archerytalk.com. After all, no day would be complete without reading a bunch of well thought out, informative, non-biased forum posts.
Then it's off to bed.
Related Links
I must be a masochist.
For those bowhunters with my same passion.
Who needs to be politically correct?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
How to Write a Post When You Have Writer's Block.
I really couldn't think of a particular topic to write about tonight. So be forewarned, this post may not be up to my normal standards of wit and intellect.
Here's a brief recap of my week leading up to and including my hunting season so far. Keep in mind that this is the early antlerless season in Michigan. That means you can only shoot deer with less than three inches of antler on one side. For those of you who aren't familiar with deer, antlers generally come in pairs, hence the distinction.
Monday night- get a text from the associate minister at my church to let me know the Bible study I normally attend on Tuesday mornings has been moved to Thursday morning this week. Great, Thursday was the first day of the season. Oh well, I'll just go later that evening.
Tuesday-During the day take several opportunities to practice shooting.
Wednesday-Spend some more time shooting in the afternoon. Notice that d-loop on bow string is starting to fray a bit. Immediately after noticing this, proceed to draw bow, only to have release open halfway through the draw due to a bit of frayed material stuck in the jaws. Punch self in mouth and unwittingly launch arrow who knows where. Great. I decide that as long as I'm careful not to get the material stuck in the jaws I should be ok. After all, I'm going out in the morning and I just don't have time to get it replaced before then.
Wednesday night-Get a text saying Bible study is cancelled, the third member of our group hurt himself and had to go to the doctor in the morning. Well at least I get to go hunting in the morning. Crap, gotta wash my hunting clothes. Stay up until 12:30 to put hunting clothes in dryer.
Thursday morning-Excitement prevents sleeping past 4:30. Get up, shower and have some oatmeal. Wait impatiently for 6:00. Head out to truck and leave for hunting property which is less than a mile away. Turn around when halfway there because I forgot my safety harness and don't relish the idea of tumbling 20 feet to the forest floor. Make it to hunting property. Walk to stand. Climb into stand and hook up to safety harness. Pull bow up. Sit dow. Nearly mess pants when a deer blows 20 yards away because it smells me. Listen as the deer blows about a dozen more times. Convince myself that all the deer in the area HAVEN'T taken off for the next county. Wait and wait and wait for it to get light. Once it's light enough to see, stare intently at every little movement I see. Nearly mess pants when a squirrel scurries down the backside of my tree with no warning. Look off to my left and see a deer walking. Notice antlers. Dang. Wait, there's another deer behind it. Even bigger antlers. Dang. (Remember, I can only shoot does right now.) Watch in frustration as the deer meander back and forth well within shooting range. Finally deer leave. Heart rate slowly returns to normal. Hear splashing that I KNOW is deer crossing the creek. Wait, and wait, and wait. The two bucks are back. The two bucks disappear into the brush. Look across the creek. See doe. Out of range and across the property line. Doe walks off. Sit and wait, and wait, and wait. Look to far left. See four deer. Swing my bow around to draw back. Antlers on all four heads. DANG. Sit until about 10:00 when I have to go back home to get some stuff done. Go home and get some stuff done. Head back out to woods around 5:00. Back in my stand. Wait, and wait, and wait. About 7:30 stand to stretch my legs and look behind me. A deer. More antlers. DANGIT ALL!!!!! Wait until dark and go home.
Friday morning-Force myself to get up at 5:30 to hunt even though I didn't get to bed until after midnight again as I was trying to finish a blog post as well as some other things. Go to put my hunting clothes in the dryer. They're already dry. Crap, I forgot to start the washer last night. Decide God must want me to let my stand cool off for a day. Spend the day getting more stuff done. Make SURE I wash and dry my clothes before I go to bed.
Saturday morning-Up at 5:30. Shower and get dressed, head out to woods. Get in stand. Sit until about 9:30 when I have to go back home and help set up for a family reunion. Spend the day with a bunch of people that make me question how I'm even possibly related to them.
Saturday night-Sit for several hours trying to come up with something to write for my blog. This is it.
And another
And one more.
Here's a brief recap of my week leading up to and including my hunting season so far. Keep in mind that this is the early antlerless season in Michigan. That means you can only shoot deer with less than three inches of antler on one side. For those of you who aren't familiar with deer, antlers generally come in pairs, hence the distinction.
Monday night- get a text from the associate minister at my church to let me know the Bible study I normally attend on Tuesday mornings has been moved to Thursday morning this week. Great, Thursday was the first day of the season. Oh well, I'll just go later that evening.
Tuesday-During the day take several opportunities to practice shooting.
Wednesday-Spend some more time shooting in the afternoon. Notice that d-loop on bow string is starting to fray a bit. Immediately after noticing this, proceed to draw bow, only to have release open halfway through the draw due to a bit of frayed material stuck in the jaws. Punch self in mouth and unwittingly launch arrow who knows where. Great. I decide that as long as I'm careful not to get the material stuck in the jaws I should be ok. After all, I'm going out in the morning and I just don't have time to get it replaced before then.
Wednesday night-Get a text saying Bible study is cancelled, the third member of our group hurt himself and had to go to the doctor in the morning. Well at least I get to go hunting in the morning. Crap, gotta wash my hunting clothes. Stay up until 12:30 to put hunting clothes in dryer.
Thursday morning-Excitement prevents sleeping past 4:30. Get up, shower and have some oatmeal. Wait impatiently for 6:00. Head out to truck and leave for hunting property which is less than a mile away. Turn around when halfway there because I forgot my safety harness and don't relish the idea of tumbling 20 feet to the forest floor. Make it to hunting property. Walk to stand. Climb into stand and hook up to safety harness. Pull bow up. Sit dow. Nearly mess pants when a deer blows 20 yards away because it smells me. Listen as the deer blows about a dozen more times. Convince myself that all the deer in the area HAVEN'T taken off for the next county. Wait and wait and wait for it to get light. Once it's light enough to see, stare intently at every little movement I see. Nearly mess pants when a squirrel scurries down the backside of my tree with no warning. Look off to my left and see a deer walking. Notice antlers. Dang. Wait, there's another deer behind it. Even bigger antlers. Dang. (Remember, I can only shoot does right now.) Watch in frustration as the deer meander back and forth well within shooting range. Finally deer leave. Heart rate slowly returns to normal. Hear splashing that I KNOW is deer crossing the creek. Wait, and wait, and wait. The two bucks are back. The two bucks disappear into the brush. Look across the creek. See doe. Out of range and across the property line. Doe walks off. Sit and wait, and wait, and wait. Look to far left. See four deer. Swing my bow around to draw back. Antlers on all four heads. DANG. Sit until about 10:00 when I have to go back home to get some stuff done. Go home and get some stuff done. Head back out to woods around 5:00. Back in my stand. Wait, and wait, and wait. About 7:30 stand to stretch my legs and look behind me. A deer. More antlers. DANGIT ALL!!!!! Wait until dark and go home.
Friday morning-Force myself to get up at 5:30 to hunt even though I didn't get to bed until after midnight again as I was trying to finish a blog post as well as some other things. Go to put my hunting clothes in the dryer. They're already dry. Crap, I forgot to start the washer last night. Decide God must want me to let my stand cool off for a day. Spend the day getting more stuff done. Make SURE I wash and dry my clothes before I go to bed.
Saturday morning-Up at 5:30. Shower and get dressed, head out to woods. Get in stand. Sit until about 9:30 when I have to go back home and help set up for a family reunion. Spend the day with a bunch of people that make me question how I'm even possibly related to them.
Saturday night-Sit for several hours trying to come up with something to write for my blog. This is it.
Related Links
Another quality blog.And another
And one more.
Friday, September 16, 2011
How to Enjoy Hunting Season...A Deer's Perspective
It's that time of year again. Hunting season is upon us. In many states, deer season has already started. Here in Michigan the early doe season started yesterday. The bucks are safe at least until October 1st, or until they die of old age if I'm the one hunting them.
I thought I'd take a different approach and try to analyze what this would mean to a deer from its point of view.
As your night time ritual of decimating farmers' corn comes to a close, you notice a change in the misty air. It's not something you can see or hear or even smell...yet. You begin to saunter back to your bedding area just as the sun starts to paint the eastern sky a soft salmon color. Tendrils of fog drift through the early morning air as you step from the field into the edge of the forest.
Then you hear it. A truck door closing. From different locations, near and far, you hear the sound repeated at irregular intervals, slightly muffled by the heavy atmosphere. You know what that means. Hunting season.
You snicker to yourself. You wait all year for hunting season to roll around. You've survived your share. Granted, some of the early lessons were hard. You still limp from where that kid shot through your front leg with an arrow your first year. But now you're wiser, and have come to appreciate the entertainment to be had in the fall months.
You already know where the hunters will be. These guys use the same stands every year. In fact, you can hear one of them trying to sneak through the woods right now. You wonder how any deer are ever killed when humans are so loud, clumsy, and smelly. You see the beam from the hunter's flashlight flitting through the trees. Deciding to start the festivities off early, you move into position about ten yards from the stand. You watch the uncoordinated oaf as he wanders back and forth, cursing to himself, because he forgot which tree his stand is in. If you could laugh you would. The frustrated fellow finally finds his tree and begins his ascent. You wait until he's approximately halfway up and snort just as hard as you can and stomp away. You hear the hunter cuss some more as he nearly slips off the steps in surprise.
Ahh, good stuff, you think to yourself. So good, in fact, you do it to two other hunters you are able to find before there is enough light for their weak human eyes to see you.
Having too much fun, you decide to forgo your normal routine. You can sleep anytime.
You meander through the forest seeking out your next target.
Having located one, you walk in what appears to be a haphazard manner back and forth and around his stand. This only has the appearance of being random. You make sure that at all times there are several trees and brush between you and the hunter. You can see the intensity in his eyes as the adrenalin courses through his body. You can smell the nervous anticipation as it rolls off him in seemingly visible waves. Once you think you've brought his heart to its maximum sustainable rate, you put a tree between the two of you and walk straight away.
As the day wears on, you decide you actually do need to sleep. You make your way to your hidey hole in the local swamp and nap for a few hours.
You awake as evening approaches. Now it's time for your favorite tease. Just as the light begins to fade, you arrive at a nearby alfalfa field. You know exactly where the hunter is as he's been here several times a week hanging his stand, checking his trail cameras, and all but giving you a map and itinerary. Just before legal shooting light is gone, you prance out onto a knoll in the middle of the field, on the opposite end from the hunter. Your massive antlers are backlit by the waning light and you know, you just KNOW, that that hunter is watching you from his treestand, well out of range, cussing to himself about "stupid deer".
Related Links
Deer is funny people
Must have accessories
These are the things hunters dream about...yes, we need help
I thought I'd take a different approach and try to analyze what this would mean to a deer from its point of view.
As your night time ritual of decimating farmers' corn comes to a close, you notice a change in the misty air. It's not something you can see or hear or even smell...yet. You begin to saunter back to your bedding area just as the sun starts to paint the eastern sky a soft salmon color. Tendrils of fog drift through the early morning air as you step from the field into the edge of the forest.
Then you hear it. A truck door closing. From different locations, near and far, you hear the sound repeated at irregular intervals, slightly muffled by the heavy atmosphere. You know what that means. Hunting season.
You snicker to yourself. You wait all year for hunting season to roll around. You've survived your share. Granted, some of the early lessons were hard. You still limp from where that kid shot through your front leg with an arrow your first year. But now you're wiser, and have come to appreciate the entertainment to be had in the fall months.
You already know where the hunters will be. These guys use the same stands every year. In fact, you can hear one of them trying to sneak through the woods right now. You wonder how any deer are ever killed when humans are so loud, clumsy, and smelly. You see the beam from the hunter's flashlight flitting through the trees. Deciding to start the festivities off early, you move into position about ten yards from the stand. You watch the uncoordinated oaf as he wanders back and forth, cursing to himself, because he forgot which tree his stand is in. If you could laugh you would. The frustrated fellow finally finds his tree and begins his ascent. You wait until he's approximately halfway up and snort just as hard as you can and stomp away. You hear the hunter cuss some more as he nearly slips off the steps in surprise.
Ahh, good stuff, you think to yourself. So good, in fact, you do it to two other hunters you are able to find before there is enough light for their weak human eyes to see you.
Having too much fun, you decide to forgo your normal routine. You can sleep anytime.
You meander through the forest seeking out your next target.
Having located one, you walk in what appears to be a haphazard manner back and forth and around his stand. This only has the appearance of being random. You make sure that at all times there are several trees and brush between you and the hunter. You can see the intensity in his eyes as the adrenalin courses through his body. You can smell the nervous anticipation as it rolls off him in seemingly visible waves. Once you think you've brought his heart to its maximum sustainable rate, you put a tree between the two of you and walk straight away.
As the day wears on, you decide you actually do need to sleep. You make your way to your hidey hole in the local swamp and nap for a few hours.
You awake as evening approaches. Now it's time for your favorite tease. Just as the light begins to fade, you arrive at a nearby alfalfa field. You know exactly where the hunter is as he's been here several times a week hanging his stand, checking his trail cameras, and all but giving you a map and itinerary. Just before legal shooting light is gone, you prance out onto a knoll in the middle of the field, on the opposite end from the hunter. Your massive antlers are backlit by the waning light and you know, you just KNOW, that that hunter is watching you from his treestand, well out of range, cussing to himself about "stupid deer".
Related Links
Deer is funny people
Must have accessories
These are the things hunters dream about...yes, we need help
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
How to Get Started in Bow Hunting
So you want to go bow hunting eh? Well you'd better get yourself ready. Not sure what all you need to do to get ready? Well you've come to the right place. Some have called me the consummate expert on all things hunting. For those of you who know me...stop laughing.
First things first, to go bow hunting, you need a bow. That begs the question, do you have a bow? If you do, then you're already a step ahead. If not there are literally hundreds of different bows to choose from. Pick one. It doesn't matter if you like how the bow shoots or not, because in a year, your bow will be out of date and you wouldn't dare be caught dead with last years model. Many bows even come with a bunch of accessories such as arrow rest, sight, quiver, etc., all of which will be outdated next year as well.
Second, you'll need arrows. Again, your choices are nearly limitless. Everything from your old fashioned cedar arrows for the traditionalist; to new age, polymer coated, carbon fiber, ergonomic, aerodynamic, satellite guided, ROM optimized, hydroponic arrows that are guaranteed to hit the bulls eye regardless of how lousy your aim is.
You will also need a release, target, field tips, broadheads, camo, boots, gloves, treestands, doe pee, buck pee, fox pee, grunt tube, bleat tube, rattling horns, scent eliminating soap, scent eliminating detergent and an endless assortment of other odds and ends. Don't bother trying to acquire these all at once. No matter how much you buy, there will always be some amazing new product you just have to have.
It may be necessary to indenture one or more of your children to offset the costs of these expenses. Don't worry, it builds character.
Once you are properly equipped, you need to begin practicing shooting. Most people will recommend that you practice as often as possible all year round. I suppose for beginners or if you lack confidence in your ability that's a fine way to go about it. I suggest the more advanced method that you wait until approximately two weeks before opening day. This should be enough time to become comfortable with your bow without a lot of wasted effort throughout the year. It also has the added benefit of adding a LOT of excitement to what is normally a pretty dull time of year when something on your bow breaks and you scurry about trying to find a pro-shop that has the time to fix your problem.
Ok, so you've got all that set. Now where are you going to hunt? You might be thinking, "Duh, the woods." Well Mr. Smarty Pants, that just isn't going to cut it. First off, the woods you were thinking about hunting may be private property. I don't know too many folks that look kindly on weapon toting strangers trespassing on their land. If you happen to have land of your own or know someone that does that's fine and dandy. If not, you may have luck by going door to door asking permission to hunt someone else's land. This could be a long, depressing process as it gets harder and harder each year to find sympathetic landowners that don't require you to take out a secured loan for the privilege of hunting their woodlot. Your last, and least desirable, option is public land. I know there are a lot of hunters out there that have had a lot of success hunting public land. But really, these are hunters we're talking about. Do you really think they're being honest? In many places any public land will be swarming with hunters which can lead to some harsh words when you inadvertently disrupt someone's hunt as you didn't see him thirty feet up in a tree in full camo.
After you've determined where you will hunt all that's left is to wait for opening day, go out, and shoot yourself a critter. Easy as that.
Related Links
Thinking of buying a bow?
Never miss your target again.
Must have hunting accessories. Here, here, and here.
First things first, to go bow hunting, you need a bow. That begs the question, do you have a bow? If you do, then you're already a step ahead. If not there are literally hundreds of different bows to choose from. Pick one. It doesn't matter if you like how the bow shoots or not, because in a year, your bow will be out of date and you wouldn't dare be caught dead with last years model. Many bows even come with a bunch of accessories such as arrow rest, sight, quiver, etc., all of which will be outdated next year as well.
Second, you'll need arrows. Again, your choices are nearly limitless. Everything from your old fashioned cedar arrows for the traditionalist; to new age, polymer coated, carbon fiber, ergonomic, aerodynamic, satellite guided, ROM optimized, hydroponic arrows that are guaranteed to hit the bulls eye regardless of how lousy your aim is.
You will also need a release, target, field tips, broadheads, camo, boots, gloves, treestands, doe pee, buck pee, fox pee, grunt tube, bleat tube, rattling horns, scent eliminating soap, scent eliminating detergent and an endless assortment of other odds and ends. Don't bother trying to acquire these all at once. No matter how much you buy, there will always be some amazing new product you just have to have.
It may be necessary to indenture one or more of your children to offset the costs of these expenses. Don't worry, it builds character.
Once you are properly equipped, you need to begin practicing shooting. Most people will recommend that you practice as often as possible all year round. I suppose for beginners or if you lack confidence in your ability that's a fine way to go about it. I suggest the more advanced method that you wait until approximately two weeks before opening day. This should be enough time to become comfortable with your bow without a lot of wasted effort throughout the year. It also has the added benefit of adding a LOT of excitement to what is normally a pretty dull time of year when something on your bow breaks and you scurry about trying to find a pro-shop that has the time to fix your problem.
Ok, so you've got all that set. Now where are you going to hunt? You might be thinking, "Duh, the woods." Well Mr. Smarty Pants, that just isn't going to cut it. First off, the woods you were thinking about hunting may be private property. I don't know too many folks that look kindly on weapon toting strangers trespassing on their land. If you happen to have land of your own or know someone that does that's fine and dandy. If not, you may have luck by going door to door asking permission to hunt someone else's land. This could be a long, depressing process as it gets harder and harder each year to find sympathetic landowners that don't require you to take out a secured loan for the privilege of hunting their woodlot. Your last, and least desirable, option is public land. I know there are a lot of hunters out there that have had a lot of success hunting public land. But really, these are hunters we're talking about. Do you really think they're being honest? In many places any public land will be swarming with hunters which can lead to some harsh words when you inadvertently disrupt someone's hunt as you didn't see him thirty feet up in a tree in full camo.
After you've determined where you will hunt all that's left is to wait for opening day, go out, and shoot yourself a critter. Easy as that.
Thinking of buying a bow?
Never miss your target again.
Must have hunting accessories. Here, here, and here.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
How to Properly Post on a Forum
There is a fine etiquette when it comes to posting a thread or comment to an online forum. Many "noobs" as they are known, are unaware of the nuances of such actions. I have taken it on myself to compile a list of common terms, guideline and protocols.
We'll start with acronyms that are common to forums. While these have obvious well known meanings, it's the subtle usage behind them that tends to trip people up. I'll try my best to explain.
LOL-Laugh out loud. The poster thought something was slightly humorous. This can also be added to nearly every post on every forum. The post doesn't have to be funny. By doing this, the poster has the option of saying it was "just a joke" and you have no right to get offended by such frivolity.
JK-Just kidding. The poster knows that what he said will be taken as offensive, which he intended, but wants to remove any option for someone else to call him out because of it.
LMAO-Laugh my (expletive deleted) off. The poster is responding to something that was mildly amusing.
ROFL-Roll on the floor laughing. The poster is responding so something that may have actually caused him to smile. Note, this may be followed by modifiers such as MAO, MFAO, MMFAO. These stand for My (expletive deleted) off. My (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted) off, and My mother (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted) off. I'll let you figure out what the expletives are.
IMO-In my opinion. The poster is saying that this is his opinion and if you don't agree with him you are an uneducated dolt who had no right taking up valuable oxygen that could better be used by him.
IMHO-In my honest opinion. Same as above, but by adding "honest" the poster is trying to prevent anyone from calling his own integrity into question.
Now let's move on to some of the guidelines.
-Always assume you are smarter than everybody else posting on a particular forum. Confidence is key to survival.
-No matter what you post, somebody else will have an issue with it. If you posted that you think puppies are cute; you will receive no less than 173 individual responses telling you how and why you are wrong, the Cat Fanciers Association will accuse you of intolerance towards felines, and Pat Robertson will bash you for having a latent fetish for animals.
-Those that don't respond in the above fashion don't even care about what you posted. They are just looking for a thread to "jack" so they can push their own thoughts, products, etc.
-Never bother to read all previous responses to a post. That way, your reply that shows up on page 18 of the responses will be the eleventh such post and everyone will know that you are mainstream.
-Punctuation, spelling, and grammar don't matter. Everyone else loves the challenge of trying to figure out whether you are saying "It's time to eat, Grandma." or "It's time to eat Grandma."
-Threaten those who disagree with you. Online fighting is awesome. When the clear winner is decided, you will be able parade victorious through your mother's basement, re-enacting the epic final battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader with the vintage Light Saber you won on eBay last year.
This list is by no means comprehensive. But hopefully I will help at least someone avoid the trials and tribulations I went through learning all this on my own.
Related Links
Another noob resource
Because we could all use a little more etiquette.
Something we all can laugh at...well, anyone like me will laugh.
We'll start with acronyms that are common to forums. While these have obvious well known meanings, it's the subtle usage behind them that tends to trip people up. I'll try my best to explain.
LOL-Laugh out loud. The poster thought something was slightly humorous. This can also be added to nearly every post on every forum. The post doesn't have to be funny. By doing this, the poster has the option of saying it was "just a joke" and you have no right to get offended by such frivolity.
JK-Just kidding. The poster knows that what he said will be taken as offensive, which he intended, but wants to remove any option for someone else to call him out because of it.
LMAO-Laugh my (expletive deleted) off. The poster is responding to something that was mildly amusing.
ROFL-Roll on the floor laughing. The poster is responding so something that may have actually caused him to smile. Note, this may be followed by modifiers such as MAO, MFAO, MMFAO. These stand for My (expletive deleted) off. My (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted) off, and My mother (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted) off. I'll let you figure out what the expletives are.
IMO-In my opinion. The poster is saying that this is his opinion and if you don't agree with him you are an uneducated dolt who had no right taking up valuable oxygen that could better be used by him.
IMHO-In my honest opinion. Same as above, but by adding "honest" the poster is trying to prevent anyone from calling his own integrity into question.
Now let's move on to some of the guidelines.
-Always assume you are smarter than everybody else posting on a particular forum. Confidence is key to survival.
-No matter what you post, somebody else will have an issue with it. If you posted that you think puppies are cute; you will receive no less than 173 individual responses telling you how and why you are wrong, the Cat Fanciers Association will accuse you of intolerance towards felines, and Pat Robertson will bash you for having a latent fetish for animals.
-Those that don't respond in the above fashion don't even care about what you posted. They are just looking for a thread to "jack" so they can push their own thoughts, products, etc.
-Never bother to read all previous responses to a post. That way, your reply that shows up on page 18 of the responses will be the eleventh such post and everyone will know that you are mainstream.
-Punctuation, spelling, and grammar don't matter. Everyone else loves the challenge of trying to figure out whether you are saying "It's time to eat, Grandma." or "It's time to eat Grandma."
-Threaten those who disagree with you. Online fighting is awesome. When the clear winner is decided, you will be able parade victorious through your mother's basement, re-enacting the epic final battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader with the vintage Light Saber you won on eBay last year.
This list is by no means comprehensive. But hopefully I will help at least someone avoid the trials and tribulations I went through learning all this on my own.
Another noob resource
Because we could all use a little more etiquette.
Something we all can laugh at...well, anyone like me will laugh.
Monday, September 12, 2011
How to Improve Your Self Image...List Your Weaknesses
In case you can't tell, the title of my post is a bit sarcastic.
I love learning. I love trying to do things I've never done before. That being said, there is a very short list of things that I am actually proficient at. The list of things I should avoid doing, on the other hand, is quite extensive. Here's a sampling of the things I'm less than adept at.
Music-Anything having to do with music is beyond my capabilities. I'm tone deaf and lack the coordination necessary to play any instrument...including the kazoo.
Metal or wood working-Everyone that has done any kind of building, fabricating, etc. knows the saying "Measure twice, cut once." Well I can measure a dozen times and still mess it up.
Dancing-A person that has absolutely no natural rhythm is not someone you want to see attempt to dance. Imagine someone suffering from the bends trying to ward off a swarm of hornets. That would approximate what my attempts at dancing look like.
Painting-I can draw and do pen and ink better than most. I'm really good at those. But put a paintbrush in my hand and it's like a kindergartener with finger paints. I just have no clue how to make paint do what I want.
Small talk-I don't care about the weather. I don't care about your kids, grand kids, nieces, nephews, etc. And I really don't care why we're both at the doctor's office at the same time. In fact, at the doctor's office, stay as far away from me as possible as I'd rather not catch the plague, ebola, or whatever terrible malady you are suffering from.
Finishing what I start-There are probably a dozen different projects that I am in the "process of completing" at the moment. If only I could
Related Links
Singing like me.
Some folks who actually CAN paint.
Some helpful hints
I love learning. I love trying to do things I've never done before. That being said, there is a very short list of things that I am actually proficient at. The list of things I should avoid doing, on the other hand, is quite extensive. Here's a sampling of the things I'm less than adept at.
Music-Anything having to do with music is beyond my capabilities. I'm tone deaf and lack the coordination necessary to play any instrument...including the kazoo.
Metal or wood working-Everyone that has done any kind of building, fabricating, etc. knows the saying "Measure twice, cut once." Well I can measure a dozen times and still mess it up.
Dancing-A person that has absolutely no natural rhythm is not someone you want to see attempt to dance. Imagine someone suffering from the bends trying to ward off a swarm of hornets. That would approximate what my attempts at dancing look like.
Painting-I can draw and do pen and ink better than most. I'm really good at those. But put a paintbrush in my hand and it's like a kindergartener with finger paints. I just have no clue how to make paint do what I want.
Small talk-I don't care about the weather. I don't care about your kids, grand kids, nieces, nephews, etc. And I really don't care why we're both at the doctor's office at the same time. In fact, at the doctor's office, stay as far away from me as possible as I'd rather not catch the plague, ebola, or whatever terrible malady you are suffering from.
Finishing what I start-There are probably a dozen different projects that I am in the "process of completing" at the moment. If only I could
Singing like me.
Some folks who actually CAN paint.
Some helpful hints
Sunday, September 11, 2011
How to Fit in when You Feel Like the Black Sheep
Could I have chosen a more overused cliche for my title? Possibly, but I couldn't think of one at the moment. Everyone claims to be the black sheep of their family. Now if that were the case, we'd be nothing but black sheep. And I actually think that's pretty accurate. We're all odd in our own ways. I think people just don't want to be identified with their family members. Which, knowing some people's families, I can't blame them.
However, when it comes to my family, it's a knock down, drag out, battle royale for the title of blackest of the sheep. The VanLoon family (read clan), is well known in the area I live. Notorious would not be an inaccurate description.
The place my family really shines though is deer camp. I grew up waiting, wishing, and counting down the years until I could go to deer camp with my dad. I wasn't allowed to go the first year I was old enough to rifle hunt because my grades weren't good enough, so I had to wait an extra year.
To give you a little better feel of what I had been waiting for, let me tell you some of the "legends" of deer camp that I remember growing up.
First of all, I'll preface with the fact that you, the reader, should assume that anything that is happening outside of hunting hours is done under the influence of alcohol. My family has never been the paragon of common sense or moral fortitude. I am relating these stories, that does not mean I condone or approve of any of it.
Every night at deer camp consists of playing cards. Whether it's euchre or some form of poker, card playing is the pass time of choice. Well one night, after several hours of card playing and drinking, one of my uncles staggered outside and commenced puking. Well, at that time, the frying pan used for cooking was set outside the door in the snow so whatever leftovers were in it wouldn't spoil. Some time later, another of my uncles went out to use the privy. On his way back he sees the skillet of leftovers and decides he'll have some. So he stumbles back into the tent with the frying pan in one hand eating out of it with the cooking spoon in the other. He was so drunk, he didn't realize that the frying pan had been right in the receiving area of his brother's earlier act of regurgitation.
The second story takes place one night when some family friends were visiting the camp. There was a younger fellow with the group and he was bragging that he never threw up from drinking. That's a boast that the men in my family cannot resist putting to the test. For some reason it was rather dark in the tent that night. They had this fellow drinking my great great uncle Jake's, homemade dandelion wine. Now, Uncle Jake didn't bother with filtering the bits and pieces of dandelion out of his wine. Just strain it out with your teeth if you wanted to drink his. Anyway, the young guy is pretty well hammered late into the night. Somebody cranks up the lantern and the guy sees all the stuff floating in the wine. Apparently that was just too much and he bolted out of the tent to empty the contents of his stomach into the snow.
The third story...is about drinking and puking. I guess I really don't need to relate that one, you all get the picture.
You would think, hearing these stories growing up, I would have been somewhat prepared for the atmosphere of my family's deer camp. Either I didn't realize the implications of all these stories or was just so eager to be considered one of the guys that I didn't care. It took one day to remove all illusions of what the mythical time at deer camp was about. Not sure about anyone else, but I wasn't very comfortable heading out into the woods with a bunch of guys that had been stumbling drunk as recently as four hours previous.
That was my one and only year at deer camp. Not only did I not get a deer, I didn't see ANYthing. That includes squirrels, birds, etc.
The next year I told my dad I just wanted to hunt around home and that's what I've been doing for the last sixteen years. My dad also stopped going to deer camp so we could hunt together. Since then, the two of us have killed more deer than the dozen or so guys that go up there every year. All of the guys that go know they would have a lot better luck hunting other areas but that isn't important. Apparently I just don't "get" what deer camp is all about.
So when it comes to me, I am a bit of a black sheep compared to most of my family because I don't enjoy drinking myself stupid. I guess I'm okay with that.
Related Links
More fun cliches
In case you want to be like Uncle Jake. Kids, you ignore this link.
This is quite accurate.
However, when it comes to my family, it's a knock down, drag out, battle royale for the title of blackest of the sheep. The VanLoon family (read clan), is well known in the area I live. Notorious would not be an inaccurate description.
The place my family really shines though is deer camp. I grew up waiting, wishing, and counting down the years until I could go to deer camp with my dad. I wasn't allowed to go the first year I was old enough to rifle hunt because my grades weren't good enough, so I had to wait an extra year.
To give you a little better feel of what I had been waiting for, let me tell you some of the "legends" of deer camp that I remember growing up.
First of all, I'll preface with the fact that you, the reader, should assume that anything that is happening outside of hunting hours is done under the influence of alcohol. My family has never been the paragon of common sense or moral fortitude. I am relating these stories, that does not mean I condone or approve of any of it.
Every night at deer camp consists of playing cards. Whether it's euchre or some form of poker, card playing is the pass time of choice. Well one night, after several hours of card playing and drinking, one of my uncles staggered outside and commenced puking. Well, at that time, the frying pan used for cooking was set outside the door in the snow so whatever leftovers were in it wouldn't spoil. Some time later, another of my uncles went out to use the privy. On his way back he sees the skillet of leftovers and decides he'll have some. So he stumbles back into the tent with the frying pan in one hand eating out of it with the cooking spoon in the other. He was so drunk, he didn't realize that the frying pan had been right in the receiving area of his brother's earlier act of regurgitation.
The second story takes place one night when some family friends were visiting the camp. There was a younger fellow with the group and he was bragging that he never threw up from drinking. That's a boast that the men in my family cannot resist putting to the test. For some reason it was rather dark in the tent that night. They had this fellow drinking my great great uncle Jake's, homemade dandelion wine. Now, Uncle Jake didn't bother with filtering the bits and pieces of dandelion out of his wine. Just strain it out with your teeth if you wanted to drink his. Anyway, the young guy is pretty well hammered late into the night. Somebody cranks up the lantern and the guy sees all the stuff floating in the wine. Apparently that was just too much and he bolted out of the tent to empty the contents of his stomach into the snow.
The third story...is about drinking and puking. I guess I really don't need to relate that one, you all get the picture.
You would think, hearing these stories growing up, I would have been somewhat prepared for the atmosphere of my family's deer camp. Either I didn't realize the implications of all these stories or was just so eager to be considered one of the guys that I didn't care. It took one day to remove all illusions of what the mythical time at deer camp was about. Not sure about anyone else, but I wasn't very comfortable heading out into the woods with a bunch of guys that had been stumbling drunk as recently as four hours previous.
That was my one and only year at deer camp. Not only did I not get a deer, I didn't see ANYthing. That includes squirrels, birds, etc.
The next year I told my dad I just wanted to hunt around home and that's what I've been doing for the last sixteen years. My dad also stopped going to deer camp so we could hunt together. Since then, the two of us have killed more deer than the dozen or so guys that go up there every year. All of the guys that go know they would have a lot better luck hunting other areas but that isn't important. Apparently I just don't "get" what deer camp is all about.
So when it comes to me, I am a bit of a black sheep compared to most of my family because I don't enjoy drinking myself stupid. I guess I'm okay with that.
More fun cliches
In case you want to be like Uncle Jake. Kids, you ignore this link.
This is quite accurate.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
How to Wait until the Last Minute...and Still Meet Your Deadline
Yeah, I waited until the last minute to write today's post. Sorry, but I couldn't think of anything clever to say earlier. I did, however, just get back from my nightly walk and I KNOW I can find plenty of humor in my physical fitness, or lack thereof, and my efforts to correct it.
First off, I know I'm a tub. I don't deny it. It demands my attention everyday as I am now to the point that I get winded tying my shoes. That being said, I've never really felt bad about the way I look. BUT, things have gotten out of hand and I really need to do something about it. Also, I dream of going on an elk, moose, or mule deer hunt out west sometime and it's only fair to the outfitter (if I have one) and the game that I be in the proper condition for such a hunt.
So I've started walking. "Why walking," you may ask. "Why not running? Running will burn more calories and you can stop being fat sooner." Well, it turns out I'm too fat too run. About this time last year I tried to take up running. Things were going well for the first two weeks or so. I was losing weight, and my endurance was increasing. I actually got to the point where I could run a full mile without slowing to a walk. I was pretty darn proud of myself.
Then the pain started. At first, just a twinge in my right knee. After a few days it was more than a twinge. Then it was in both knees. Then I could barely walk when I got up in the morning. There comes a time when you just can't push through the pain anymore. So I went to the doctor. Sitting in the examination room he asked me what the problem was. I told him I think I have tendonitis. I started running a while ago and the my knees started hurting worse each day. His response, and this is from a licensed physician "Yep, you probably do. Take some ibuprofen and stay off them until they stop hurting." Seriously Doc? That's it? I was so glad I was able to diagnose myself. However I don't think it was fair that I had to pay him for doing absolutely NOTHING.
Anyway...that was last year. On to this year. Figured I'd start it off at a more moderate pace. Walking is much easier on the joints so I'll give that a go. Do you know how disheartening it is to hear the corduroy "zhip zhip zhip" sound when you're not wearing any? I can already tell a difference as I'm able to walk much farther without getting shin splints. Yes, I get shin splints from walking. I'm that out of shape. Didn't I already explain that in the second paragraph?
Hopefully in the next week or so I'll be able to increase my pace from a trudge to a plod. Then I'll go from there. Gradually increasing my pace until I finally reach a brisk walk. Once I'm comfortable with that I might actually try throwing some jogging in there. But I'm getting ahead of myself now. Better slow down before I run out of breath.
Related Links
Fitness and nutrition tracker. Tell them deltaoutlaw sent you.
There aren't many positives to running
Ugh...doctors
First off, I know I'm a tub. I don't deny it. It demands my attention everyday as I am now to the point that I get winded tying my shoes. That being said, I've never really felt bad about the way I look. BUT, things have gotten out of hand and I really need to do something about it. Also, I dream of going on an elk, moose, or mule deer hunt out west sometime and it's only fair to the outfitter (if I have one) and the game that I be in the proper condition for such a hunt.
So I've started walking. "Why walking," you may ask. "Why not running? Running will burn more calories and you can stop being fat sooner." Well, it turns out I'm too fat too run. About this time last year I tried to take up running. Things were going well for the first two weeks or so. I was losing weight, and my endurance was increasing. I actually got to the point where I could run a full mile without slowing to a walk. I was pretty darn proud of myself.
Then the pain started. At first, just a twinge in my right knee. After a few days it was more than a twinge. Then it was in both knees. Then I could barely walk when I got up in the morning. There comes a time when you just can't push through the pain anymore. So I went to the doctor. Sitting in the examination room he asked me what the problem was. I told him I think I have tendonitis. I started running a while ago and the my knees started hurting worse each day. His response, and this is from a licensed physician "Yep, you probably do. Take some ibuprofen and stay off them until they stop hurting." Seriously Doc? That's it? I was so glad I was able to diagnose myself. However I don't think it was fair that I had to pay him for doing absolutely NOTHING.
Anyway...that was last year. On to this year. Figured I'd start it off at a more moderate pace. Walking is much easier on the joints so I'll give that a go. Do you know how disheartening it is to hear the corduroy "zhip zhip zhip" sound when you're not wearing any? I can already tell a difference as I'm able to walk much farther without getting shin splints. Yes, I get shin splints from walking. I'm that out of shape. Didn't I already explain that in the second paragraph?
Hopefully in the next week or so I'll be able to increase my pace from a trudge to a plod. Then I'll go from there. Gradually increasing my pace until I finally reach a brisk walk. Once I'm comfortable with that I might actually try throwing some jogging in there. But I'm getting ahead of myself now. Better slow down before I run out of breath.
Related Links
Fitness and nutrition tracker. Tell them deltaoutlaw sent you.
There aren't many positives to running
Ugh...doctors
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
How to Completely Avoid Any Type of Planning or Preparation
"Be prepared." Ahh, yes. The old Boy Scout motto. Just one of the reasons I never would have made it in the scouts. I am one of those people who is seldom, if ever, prepared. It doesn't matter if it's for mowing the yard or a week long camping expedition. Invariably, I will not be ready to embark on any given action at the time I have determined for myself to do so.
What it comes down to is that I'm just not the planning type. I know many people who can look at any given situation and plot out exactly what needs to be done and when for everything to go smoothly. Let's take a simple example from everyday life. (My every day that is, most people's everyday won't be anything like this)
I am big into bowhunting. And it turns out, it's not a very inexpensive hobby. So to save myself some money, I thought I'd build some equipment so I can do some of the work myself. I wanted to start out small. "An arrow saw isn't too big." I reasoned.
Now, let's examine the differences between a planner and someone such as myself.
Step 1: Design
Planner: Research different commercial and DIY arrow saws online. Draw out several sketches of various possible designs. Select the one that requires the fewest materials and least amount of time.
Myself: Have a rough idea of what an arrow saw is.
Step 2: Materials
Planner: Sit down and write a list. For this project, the list could go like this: Motor w/spindle, cutting wheel, 42" angle iron, metal yardstick, 5 1/4"x1" bolts with nuts and washers, 2 3/8"x2" bolts with nuts and washers, etc., etc., until he has a detailed account of everything he will need. They will then proceed to find everything on the list amongst various neatly labeled drawers, bins, and containers. Anything they have not checked off the list at this point they will purchase from the hardware store.
Myself: Have an idea in your head of what it will take to make an arrow saw. Lists are for sissies. Wander around the garage, yard, and sheds looking for things that you think would work. An hour later, having found an old piece of bedframe (angle iron), one bent metal yardstick, and absolutely nothing else; stare blankly at the workbench for approximately ten minutes. When you come out of your stupor, realize that you are short some key ingredients for a proper arrow saw. Spend another hour rechecking all the places you previously looked. Admit defeat and go purchase the rest of the items you think you will need. Upon returning home, make smaller piles of junk on the workbench and come to the conclusion that you need a few more parts from the hardware store. Repeat this process at least twice more.
Step 3: Construction
Planner: From your previous design ideas, determine the proper steps for constructing your arrow saw. Gather necessary tools. Follow steps until saw is complete.
Myself: With the pile of stuff on your workbench, begin anywhere you see fit. It doesn't matter where really, because the end result will be the same. Make several hundred trips between your workbench, drill press, tool boxes, etc. Do this because you didn't bother to gather all necessary tools before hand. This has the added benefit of raising your heart rate during the build process, providing a little extra cardio exercise. Several times during this process break a tool, a critical piece of the saw, or yourself. Apply a strong salve of cuss words to whatever you have broken. This will do nothing to help your problem, but it will make you feel bad for scaring your kids. Replace broken tool or material, or bandage broken self. Repeat the process. If you would like to add a little variety, try breaking different objects instead of the same one. This helps relieve the monotony of the construction process. It's also a good way to stretch your ingenuity muscles as you scamper about trying to find ANYthing that will work in place of what you just broke. Once your supply of material, tools, or appendages has been exhausted, throw the tool you are currently holding across the garage, preferably breaking something you had no intention of breaking. (Warning: Do not attempt if your vehicle is occupying the garage. This will cause severe depression for you, or your spouse if you have one, and may result in a temporary or permanent change of address on your part.) Look at what you just broke, turn away in disgust, and trudge defeated back into the house. Order new arrow saw online.
It's easy to see from this example the vast difference between those who plan and those who do not. Obviously, the planner lives a boring, sedate life with no excitement what so ever.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
How to Write Your First Blog Post
Well, as you can see from the title, this is my first post on this blog. If you couldn't tell that from the title then you should probably lay off the paint chips.
I've always been interested in writing, and seeing as I now have quite a bit of free time (thanks Michigan economy) I figured I'd find a way to tie it in with my passion for the outdoors.
I grew up learning about the outdoors from my dad. Despite that, I have actually gained quite a bit of actual knowledge throughout the years. He tells everyone that he taught me everything know. To which I respond, "Yep, took all of three and a half minutes.After that I had to figure it out myself." He has yet to laugh.
The earliest memory I have of the outdoors is getting lost. My dad was going out to build a ground blind in the woods behind the house and I wanted to go along. He didn't know I was following, mom figured he knew I was following. Surprisingly my two and a half year old legs couldn't keep pace and for some reason I never said anything. It wasn't long at all until I was by myself on the edge of a cornfield along a tree line. So I just waited. I don't know if he didn't come home the same way he went out or if I was just wandering through the corn and he didn't see me. (Or possibly he did see me and thought it would be a good time for me to learn that life is scary) Anyway, he got home and my mom asked him where I was. He said he thought I was at home the whole time. My mom, being the calm rational person she is, grabbed our Brittany Spaniel, Jacques, by the neck and said "You get out there and find that boy." To his credit, he did just that. And he stayed with me until my dad caught up. To be honest I only vaguely remember wanting to go along, and then him carrying me home on his shoulders.
You would think that such an introduction to the outdoors would cause a bit of wariness on my part, but it didn't. In the years to follow I would endeavor to find other ways in which to misplace myself in the wilderness. I spent a lot of time outside with my family and as the years went by I developed a terrible disability. I became addicted to hunting and fishing. Only fellow addicts can truly appreciate the despair and heartache this causes. I have numerous cases studies from my own life on just how these addictions effect a persons life. So come on back sometime and I'll tell ya all about it.
Related Links
What to do when you've misplaced yourself.
One of the best dogs ever.
It's even easier to get your little Michiganders into hunting.
I've always been interested in writing, and seeing as I now have quite a bit of free time (thanks Michigan economy) I figured I'd find a way to tie it in with my passion for the outdoors.
I grew up learning about the outdoors from my dad. Despite that, I have actually gained quite a bit of actual knowledge throughout the years. He tells everyone that he taught me everything know. To which I respond, "Yep, took all of three and a half minutes.After that I had to figure it out myself." He has yet to laugh.
The earliest memory I have of the outdoors is getting lost. My dad was going out to build a ground blind in the woods behind the house and I wanted to go along. He didn't know I was following, mom figured he knew I was following. Surprisingly my two and a half year old legs couldn't keep pace and for some reason I never said anything. It wasn't long at all until I was by myself on the edge of a cornfield along a tree line. So I just waited. I don't know if he didn't come home the same way he went out or if I was just wandering through the corn and he didn't see me. (Or possibly he did see me and thought it would be a good time for me to learn that life is scary) Anyway, he got home and my mom asked him where I was. He said he thought I was at home the whole time. My mom, being the calm rational person she is, grabbed our Brittany Spaniel, Jacques, by the neck and said "You get out there and find that boy." To his credit, he did just that. And he stayed with me until my dad caught up. To be honest I only vaguely remember wanting to go along, and then him carrying me home on his shoulders.
You would think that such an introduction to the outdoors would cause a bit of wariness on my part, but it didn't. In the years to follow I would endeavor to find other ways in which to misplace myself in the wilderness. I spent a lot of time outside with my family and as the years went by I developed a terrible disability. I became addicted to hunting and fishing. Only fellow addicts can truly appreciate the despair and heartache this causes. I have numerous cases studies from my own life on just how these addictions effect a persons life. So come on back sometime and I'll tell ya all about it.
What to do when you've misplaced yourself.
One of the best dogs ever.
It's even easier to get your little Michiganders into hunting.
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