How to Properly Form a Rant

I was sitting here this evening watching a favorite cancelled series of mine. Firefly by name. Not many know of this short lived, yet wonderfully entertaining television show. However, my post tonight is not to be about the show. There happened to be a line uttered during the show with which I identify to a very large degree. "Forgive my rudeness. I cannot abide useless people." How wonderfully loaded with meaning is that short phrase. So I've decided to talk a bit about the useless people I cannot abide. Disclaimer: There are a few people in each of these categories that happen to fall outside the norm and actually manage to contribute something positive to society. (The exception to this is internet trolls. They have nothing beneficial to offer society.)

Political Extremists-These people give EVERY one a bad name. Because of them all republicans are philandering hypocritical warmongers, and all democrats are anti-American, tree hugging hippies.


Internet Trolls- These are probably the most useless of all the people I am mentioning today. They search internet forums hoping to find or start controversy. They intentionally create inflammatory posts or make offensive comments on other posts just to see internet drama. They love to see people flex their computer muscles knowing that all the effort expended due to their actions is completely wasted and everyone embroiled in the controversy will be worse off in the long run.

Celebrities-While not the biggest problem with society, they definitely rank among the worst of useless people. They are so worried about public approval that they will go to any lengths to get it. I'll admit it does take considerable sacrifice to adopt third world orphans. After all, you have to be willing to give up some of your comforts for you hired help to find the time to take care of your children. Besides trying to make themselves look good, they lend their celebrity to causes of which they are rarely well informed. After all, why wouldn't we want FBI agent killer Leonard Peltier back on the streets?

Career Politicians- I believe this group to be the largest problem with American society. They prance around publicly proclaiming how only they have the intelligence and ability to fix the problems faced by society. If we don't vote for them, then their evil opponent will heap upon us woes of Biblical proportions. Our livestock will die and our children will be born so hideously deformed that they will never know human affection.  Unfortunately, they have become so enamored of life in "public service" that they lose any sense of morality or self restraint. Every year we see at least one of these fellows resign amid controversy and scandal. And it doesn't matter what side of the political aisle they are on.


Related Links
Internet trolls beware
Seriously, research the things you say you support
This is what happens with career politicians

How to Properly Post on a Forum

There is a fine etiquette when it comes to posting a thread or comment to an online forum. Many "noobs" as they are known, are unaware of the nuances of such actions. I have taken it on myself to compile a list of common terms, guideline and protocols.

We'll start with acronyms that are common to forums. While these have obvious well known meanings, it's the subtle usage behind them that tends to trip people up. I'll try my best to explain.

LOL-Laugh out loud. The poster thought something was slightly humorous. This can also be added to nearly every post on every forum. The post doesn't have to be funny. By doing this, the poster has the option of saying it was "just a joke" and you have no right to get offended by such frivolity.
JK-Just kidding. The poster knows that what he said will be taken as offensive, which he intended, but wants to remove any option for someone else to call him out because of it.
LMAO-Laugh my (expletive deleted) off. The poster is responding to something that was mildly amusing.
ROFL-Roll on the floor laughing. The poster is responding so something that may have actually caused him to smile. Note, this may be followed by modifiers such as MAO, MFAO, MMFAO. These stand for My (expletive deleted) off. My (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted) off, and My mother (expletive deleted)(expletive deleted) off. I'll let you figure out what the expletives are.
IMO-In my opinion. The poster is saying that this is his opinion and if you don't agree with him you are an   uneducated dolt who had no right taking up valuable oxygen that could better be used by him.
IMHO-In my honest opinion. Same as above, but by adding "honest" the poster is trying to prevent anyone from calling his own integrity into question.

Now let's move on to some of the guidelines.

-Always assume you are smarter than everybody else posting on a particular forum. Confidence is key to survival.
-No matter what you post, somebody else will have an issue with it. If you posted that you think puppies are cute; you will receive no less than 173 individual responses telling you how and why you are wrong, the Cat Fanciers Association will accuse you of intolerance towards felines, and Pat Robertson will bash you for having a latent fetish for animals.
-Those that don't respond in the above fashion don't even care about what you posted. They are just looking for a thread to "jack" so they can push their own thoughts, products, etc.
-Never bother to read all previous responses to a post. That way, your reply that shows up on page 18 of the responses will be the eleventh such post and everyone will know that you are mainstream.
-Punctuation, spelling, and grammar don't matter. Everyone else loves the challenge of trying to figure out whether you are saying "It's time to eat, Grandma." or "It's time to eat Grandma."
-Threaten those who disagree with you. Online fighting is awesome. When the clear winner is decided, you  will be able parade victorious through your mother's basement, re-enacting the epic final battle between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader with the vintage Light Saber you won on eBay last year.

This list is by no means comprehensive. But hopefully I will help at least someone avoid the trials and tribulations I went through learning all this on my own.

Related Links
Another noob resource
Because we could all use a little more etiquette.
Something we all can laugh at...well, anyone like me will laugh.