Monday, February 27, 2012

Well, Haven't Seen this Place in a While.

Man, I've really been slacking on this haven't I? Sorry for that. I know how much this blog means to you. It's just that this last month had become extremely busy for me. I work 50+ hours a week. Monday nights I attend a Bible Institute being sponsored by the church at which I am a member. (You grammar people have to appreciate the way I ended that sentence.) Wednesday night is children's church for my kids. Thursday night is my care group. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it's a small group from church that meets weekly to study the Bible or other aspects of our faith. Friday nights I have to take my kids to their mom's which is a forty minute drive each way. And every other Friday night is my men's accountability group where we discuss out shortcomings and triumphs, eat, play video games, and just generally act like guys. Saturday's I work in the morning and then have the afternoon to myself. Sunday's start and end with church. Worship service in the morning, and youth group in the evening with making lunch and doing laundry at home in between. Now that all of the excuses are out of the way, I want to do a better job of keeping this up to date. That's where you come in. I want to post at least once a week, so I need you to get on me if Friday rolls around and I don't have something new up yet. Yeah, I know this isn't standard procedure for a blog, but hey, how often have you known me to do anything normal?

Okay, so we've got that out of the way. Onto what you really came here for; unparalleled writing, unsurpassed humor, and unlimited insight.

But before that, I'd like to address a concern that you may be having. You may have noticed my blogs have drifted away from the outdoor pursuits over the last few months. The reason for that is simple. I haven't been doing them for the past few months. This blog is called Hunter's Diversions. The hunter is me, and I write about my diversions, which happen to be many. Now that that is cleared up, let's move on.

I have decided to add the second installment of my interview series. Does two make it a series? Yes. Now stop asking silly questions. My interview this week is with master thespian and critically acclaimed artist Jack Matych.

HD: So, Mr. Matych, how did you first become interested in acting?

Remember in the older days of television when the opening titles of the show started and everyone always knew where the camera was and smile, or make a goofy face and shrug? It was somewhere around then. I was a really shy kid for a very long time. But I would find the time and make my smile face or goofy face and shrug to a vent plate on the door to the basement of my Grandparents house. For me, that vent was the thing the TV people were always smiling or making goofy faces and shrugging to. Sometimes I would even shake it up a bit and give a thumbs up and smile like I was the Fonz or something.

HD: And when did you make your first appearance on stage?

There are two technical answers to this. My first technical appearance on stage would be when I played Jesus for a church play when I was a kid. I don't fully remember why, but at some point things kind of got wooden on stage with the singing kids and they asked me to go out and dance to the music and I went out dressed as Jesus doing a dance resembling the cabbage patch. Not sure if it ever went with the song, though.
The second technical appearance would be when I had arranged a puppet show for the D.A.R.E. show the school was putting on when I was going to White Cloud schools. I used to arrange puppet shows and do sketch comedy in the fifth grade before we moved. I even made a "movie" to show the class as well. I think I still have that tape somewhere. I taped Ghostbusters on TV right after it. I should go find that tape!

HD: At what point did you realize your immense talent may have a negative affect on the bit actors and peons around you?

I can't help it, I'm just so awesome. Actually, that's my new mantra, "I know, I'm awesome!" I don't necessarily think I have any sort of negative effect on the actors around me. But we do have a crack team of scientists working on measuring the effect of my ability to vibrate really fast when I drink too much coffee...I really must stop doing that.

HD: You took a leave of absence from the stage. Why?

I fell into a black hole and floated around in the void of space for five years, only to emerge with a home of my own and happily married shortly after.

The lesson: My stomach is sensitive to sausage.

But I am now right back where I was then, with a few things in my favor over last time. Always wanting to get back in front of people and be myself and make 'em laugh. I wasn't feeling so funny in the black hole.

HD: And now that you're back?

I have a lot of work to do. Getting back on stage is part of what I am currently working on. I'm also trying to invent a way to make my hair seem thicker, though it's really not.

HD: What should we expect in the coming years from Jack Matych?

Right now, something I am keeping secret. I plan to let everyone know what I am working on very soon.

HD: Tell me about your current project.

I have been working on a Buck Moon comic book over the last couple of years, and thinking about looking into making them available through the digital markets like the newsstand on itunes and the nook store, etc.
I do have some film plans right now as well, but currently all I can tell you is it isn't Buck Moon...entirely. It's the secret project I'm working on.

HD: Let's move on to your artwork. How did you discover your talent as an artist?

I doodled all the time. I would try and draw the characters in the sunday comics on the floor of my Grandparents house after school most days. I still doodle. But I was probably around 8 or 9.

HD: Other than Mike VanLoon, who would you list as your greatest inspirations as artists?

Mike VanLoo-, oh, you said OTHER than Mike VanLoon. Well I have read MAD magazine for a very long time...A VERY long time. So my earliest inspirations came from Drucker, Aragones, Prohias, Berg. Later I had a lot of appreciation for artists like Van Gogh, Hopper (Nighthawks is a personal favorite of mine), and Ross...Just gonna paint that happy little bush there.
I think greatest inspiration came from John Byrne, one of my absolute favorite comic artists and writers of all time.

HD: Which of your works do you view as having the most impact? I know that's a difficult question to answer considering the magnitude of your contribution to the art world.

I don't know about any of my work that exists outside of my home which has made any real impact on anything that I am aware of. I mostly used pencils and paints. But mostly pencils. No need for an impact wrench. I'm not that kind of artist.

HD: How does the artist Jack co exist with the actor Jack?

I hate myself and he hates me. I think that makes it funny. But I'm feeling much better now.

HD: Well sir, I thank you deeply for your time. I know my readers will appreciate your wit and insight as much as I do.

Well I was happy to contribute, good sir. May the road rise up to meet you, I think is how it goes. If not, it sounded good and I hope you all enjoyed it.

Friday, February 3, 2012

You be the Judge

My victim is not even aware of my presence. My foot steps go unnoticed as I cross the field, my feet sinking slightly into the black soil. My hands grasp my victim and my blade hacks through the soft tissue. My steel rends the vessels that provided life and vitality. Life flows from the un-moving form in my hands. The only breath. The organism that once held so much life, withers.
*     *     *
I approach my victim. She stands there, staring at me. She is not afraid, simply too stupid to understand the danger as she has been conditioned to trust me. My hands tense around the handle of my weapon. My left foot comes slightly forward. My lungs expand as I prepare. The final motion begins with the contraction of several muscles in my back and arms. With a swift stroke, my arms race in an arc over my head, and the hammer lands solidly between her eyes. The kinetic energy of my blow is transferred into her skull. Her cranium is shattered and blood vessels rupture as shards of bone lance into her brain. She crumples to the floor at my feet. Residual electrical impulses cause slight twitching which quickly subsides.

*     *     *
The muscles in my fingers contract slowly and evenly drawing the trigger backward. The firing pin springs forward striking the primer. A small spark. The gunpowder ignites, gasses expand causing the bullet to begin it's journey. It travels down the barrel, the rifling forcing it to spin. The bullet exits the muzzle with a gout of flame and an explosion of noise. It slices through the air, it's rotation stabilizing it's trajectory for the short journey to it's target. The projectile reaches it's destination. It strikes my victim's chest. Skin rips apart and bones are shattered as the small piece of lead enter's the chest cavity. The resistance of the flesh forces the bullet to deform and expand causing more and more damage as it travels through the body. It bores through the heart and lung. The injury is fatal but the malignant trespasser has not yet finished it's gruesome journey. As it leaves the lung it encounters more ribs causing even more expansion. When it finally exits the body, the wound is many  times larger than the original size of the bullet. My victim tries to flee, a reaction of instinct. But the body refuses to cooperate with the orders of the mind. I approach the prostrate form, my heart racing from the exhilaration. 

I'm a vegetarian. Want a salad?
I'm a farmer. Want a burger?
I'm a hunter. Want some venison?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Sorry for My Absence

I know it's been a while since I last posted and for that I'm truly sorry. I know how many of you look to my blog for inspiration and motivation. I started my new job last Monday and it's taken me a while to get settled in the routine of actually going to work every day.
The new job is awesome though. The boss is very laid back and the other guys are pretty cool. Business has been a little slow since I started, which I guess is a good thing as it allowed me to ease into the flow here. I've got the basic processes down, just need actual experience to nail down the finer points. Also, if you need any work done on your car, we should be able to get it done rather quickly right now. (Yes, that's a shameless plug for business.)
A while ago I posted about a contest I was running. Even though no one bothered to actually post on my blog, I did have a few responses on my facebook link. With that being said, the winner of the contest is Jason Tworek. Congratulations Jason on using God to win a contest. Hope you're proud of yourself.
I still don't have an update on the picture as I haven't done a whole lot since before Christmas. But that should change soon as I'll be working on it most Sunday afternoons now that football season is about over.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Wooooooo! I Won for Once.

Today is a good day. After just over two years of being unemployed I was offered a job. It's along the same lines of my previous job so I don't think it's going to take a lot to learn the ropes. Shortly after getting the news I was reminded of The Dance of Joy performed by Balki Bartokomous to celebrate exceptionally good things in life. Many of you reading this may not be familiar with Balki. He was one of the main characters of the show Perfect Strangers that ran in the late 80's and early 90's. This caused me to reflect on the television shows of my childhood. So, just for fun, I'm compiling a top ten list of my favorite shows from when I was still a kid. These are in no particular order as I love each of these shows for vastly different reasons and it wouldn't do them justice to rank them.

Perfect Strangers-As already mentioned, this show featured the characters Balki, and his cousin Larry Appleton. Balki is a naive, good hearted shepherd from the island of Mypos. Larry is a somewhat cynical, materialistic guy that moved to Chicago from Madison, WI. Balki is by far one of the most unique and entertaining characters I remember from my younger days.

The A-Team-In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem...if no one else can help...and if you can find them...maybe you can hire...the A-Team. Seriously, what guy worthy of his testosterone didn't like John "Hannibal" Smith, Templeton "Faceman" Peck, Bosco "B.A." Baracus, and Captain H.M. "Howlin' Mad" Murdoch? Never before or since, have the men existed that could turn a Ford LTD into an armored personnel carrier with nothing more than corrugated sheet metal, wire mesh, and acetylene torches.

MacGyver-Angus MacGyver was, and still is, the epitome of awesome. A single man dared face the hordes of evil henchmen swarming America in the late 80's with nothing more than a Swiss Army Knife. And I don't care what Mythbusters says, all of his ingenious contraptions were practical and efficient.

ALF-Come, on. It's ALF. What more do I need to say. Seriously, when wouldn't a sitcom about a wisecracking alien with a penchant for eating cat be one of the funniest things ever?

Night Court-Nostrodamus "Bull" Shannon is another iconic television character. Along with Harry T. Stone, Max, Roz, Dan Fielding, and Christine Sullivan, this show had me laughing out loud every week. But my favorite character was Harry's dad, Buddy, played by John Astin. That man was crazy. But he's feeling much better now.

Quantum Leap-Dr. Sam Beckett gets stuck in time in an experiment gone awry. Now he must "leap" from event to even, temporarily replacing other people, to set right what once went wrong. His only help is his friend Al that appears only to him as a hologram along with his artificial intelligence device "Ziggy". Every week Sam would find himself in a dangerous, funny, or embarrassing situation, "hoping that each leap would be his last."

The X-Files-While the show started to bog down in conspiracy after several seasons, and pretty much fell apart towards the end, the first few years of this show were beyond amazing. The creepiness factor on the show was through the roof. Definitely set the mark for future sci-fi series.

Adventures of Brisco County Jr.-While this was a rather short running series, it was definitely one of the more unique. After re-watching it recently, it seems the makers of Wild Wild West with Will Smith took a lot of inspiration from this series. Unfortunately, they left out all the humor, plot, and intelligent dialogue.

Home Improvement-Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor was the personification of my dad. The corollary between the two was eerie. It probably helped me to relate to the show that there were three brothers, just like our family. It was great to see the stoic Al Boreland as the straight man to Tim's antics. And who wouldn't want a fount of wisdom like Wilson on the other side of their fence? Also, Heidi was hot.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air-A street smart kid from of Philly moving into the high class home of a judge in Bel Air. The comedic possibilities are nearly limitless. And who hasn't tried to do the "Carlton" at one point are another. I know I have.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Another Obligatory Holiday Post

One more year has come to an end. That's not the only thing that has come to an end. With it, ends deer hunting in Michigan. Sure, you can still hunt various small game, but that's just not the same. I was actually planning on doing a bit of hunting in December this year. Unfortunately injuries and family obligations prevented that. I do enjoy small game hunting, it just doesn't provide that same heart pounding adrenaline rush that you get when you see a deer. Well, unless you happen to nearly step on a grouse. That will get your heart going in a hurry.
It's January 1st and here in Michigan there isn't any snow on the ground. It is snowing as I'm writing this, and the weather report is calling for 5-8 inches through tomorrow night. But for the moment, the ground is still bare. Normally at this time we at least have a few inches and the lakes are beginning to freeze over. And that gets me excited for ice fishing. I generally end up not getting out to go ice fishing, but I get excited about it none the less. I actually haven't caught a fish through the ice in about 19 years. I've tried, just haven't caught any. 
This is also the last regular season game for the Lions. They've already clinched a playoff spot and are now playing for the fifth seed. A win today gives them a much easier first round match up than if they lose. As I write, they are currently up 16-10.  
Something that hasn't ended with the new year though is my bad luck. I was cutting wood yesterday and had a tree drop badly and land on my leg. Fortunately God gave me the presence of mind to toss the chainsaw and keep me from serious injury. As it is, I seem to have a bad high ankle sprain, a wrenched knee, and some severe bruising. 
But it's a new year and things are only as good as you perceive them to be. Happy New Year everyone.

Sorry, I don't have an updated picture this time. Really haven't worked on it much on the last week or so.