However, when it comes to my family, it's a knock down, drag out, battle royale for the title of blackest of the sheep. The VanLoon family (read clan), is well known in the area I live. Notorious would not be an inaccurate description.
The place my family really shines though is deer camp. I grew up waiting, wishing, and counting down the years until I could go to deer camp with my dad. I wasn't allowed to go the first year I was old enough to rifle hunt because my grades weren't good enough, so I had to wait an extra year.
To give you a little better feel of what I had been waiting for, let me tell you some of the "legends" of deer camp that I remember growing up.
First of all, I'll preface with the fact that you, the reader, should assume that anything that is happening outside of hunting hours is done under the influence of alcohol. My family has never been the paragon of common sense or moral fortitude. I am relating these stories, that does not mean I condone or approve of any of it.
Every night at deer camp consists of playing cards. Whether it's euchre or some form of poker, card playing is the pass time of choice. Well one night, after several hours of card playing and drinking, one of my uncles staggered outside and commenced puking. Well, at that time, the frying pan used for cooking was set outside the door in the snow so whatever leftovers were in it wouldn't spoil. Some time later, another of my uncles went out to use the privy. On his way back he sees the skillet of leftovers and decides he'll have some. So he stumbles back into the tent with the frying pan in one hand eating out of it with the cooking spoon in the other. He was so drunk, he didn't realize that the frying pan had been right in the receiving area of his brother's earlier act of regurgitation.
The second story takes place one night when some family friends were visiting the camp. There was a younger fellow with the group and he was bragging that he never threw up from drinking. That's a boast that the men in my family cannot resist putting to the test. For some reason it was rather dark in the tent that night. They had this fellow drinking my great great uncle Jake's, homemade dandelion wine. Now, Uncle Jake didn't bother with filtering the bits and pieces of dandelion out of his wine. Just strain it out with your teeth if you wanted to drink his. Anyway, the young guy is pretty well hammered late into the night. Somebody cranks up the lantern and the guy sees all the stuff floating in the wine. Apparently that was just too much and he bolted out of the tent to empty the contents of his stomach into the snow.
The third story...is about drinking and puking. I guess I really don't need to relate that one, you all get the picture.
You would think, hearing these stories growing up, I would have been somewhat prepared for the atmosphere of my family's deer camp. Either I didn't realize the implications of all these stories or was just so eager to be considered one of the guys that I didn't care. It took one day to remove all illusions of what the mythical time at deer camp was about. Not sure about anyone else, but I wasn't very comfortable heading out into the woods with a bunch of guys that had been stumbling drunk as recently as four hours previous.
That was my one and only year at deer camp. Not only did I not get a deer, I didn't see ANYthing. That includes squirrels, birds, etc.
The next year I told my dad I just wanted to hunt around home and that's what I've been doing for the last sixteen years. My dad also stopped going to deer camp so we could hunt together. Since then, the two of us have killed more deer than the dozen or so guys that go up there every year. All of the guys that go know they would have a lot better luck hunting other areas but that isn't important. Apparently I just don't "get" what deer camp is all about.
So when it comes to me, I am a bit of a black sheep compared to most of my family because I don't enjoy drinking myself stupid. I guess I'm okay with that.
More fun cliches
In case you want to be like Uncle Jake. Kids, you ignore this link.
This is quite accurate.
