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I want to find the guy that decided to torture Michigan hunters with an early deer season. Then I'm going to kick him. We've been waiting for the better part of a year to be able to hunt again and it's an irresistible temptation to get out in the woods a few weeks early just for a chance at some does.
This time of year the weather is usually pretty mild. Mornings are more often that not a little chilly, sometimes with a bit of frost on the ground. That's the perfect time to be in the woods.
But then, sometimes the weather changes. You wake up and it's raining. Grand. You left your safety harness out  on the deck overnight. It's soaked. Guess you'll use your backup harness. It's been sitting in the garage for the last year or so and is most likely saturated with all the wonderful smells associated with garages. (If you're not a deer hunter, you won't understand just how much of an aggravation and handicap this is.)
Anyway, you are determined to spend as much time in the woods as possible. You drive out to the woods and get out of your car. You immediately break out in a sweat even though the temps are in the mid 60s.  Being from Michigan, you have appropriately purchased only gear that helps keep you warm during the normal hunting season. Being Dutch, you refuse to purchase light weight gear for the warmer weather of the five day early season. It's only five days after all, you should be able to tough it out.
About the same time that sweat is running into your eyes, you are swarmed by clouds of gallinippers. For those of you not familiar with these. They are basically a mosquito mounted on a Boeing 737 frame. Also, instead of the standard proboscis of normal mosquitoes, they are equipped with the equivalent of an 18 volt Milwaukee drill with carbide bit. These HURT when they bite. Not to be outdone, their diminutive cousins show up to the party at a ratio of ten to one. While not as big, their bite seems to have an itch factor measured in magnitudes of ten in comparison to their larger brethren.
So it's raining, you're sweating, and losing blood at an alarming rate. And you haven't even gotten your bow out of it's case yet. Doing this, you head to your stand as quickly as possible, thankful for the rain for a little while because it makes walking much quieter.
You climb to your stand and are finally able to pull your gloves and mask on. This offers some small protection from the miniature vampires, but they continue to buzz incessantly around you, doing everything in their considerable power to distract you. The more intrepid will even find places where your mask is in direct contact with your skin, through which they can assault your circulatory system.
So you sit, trying to do your best to ward off the vicious fiends without too much movement. You pray for a downpour instead of the intermittent showers, if for nothing else than to knock down the mosquitoes and cool you off for a bit. Alas, nature does not comply so you are sitting in a tree, sweating, slightly damp, and itching like you slept in a patch of poison sumac.
Hard to believe you aren't seeing any deer isn't it?

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How to Get the most out of Your Sunday

Gotta love Sundays in the fall. Definitely my favorite days of the year. Quite often it's nice and sunny and not too warm.
I get my kids (if they're not at their mom's) and I up and get ready for church. I/we go to church and visit with some friends I may only see on Sunday. Listen to the sermon. The pastor tries to be funny and the congregation tries to act amused. Then Sunday School and it's off to home.
Depending on how the Lions are doing this year I'll probably follow the game. If they're absolutely sucking, which is usually the case, I might go small game, turkey, or deer hunting, depending on what's open. Odds are I'll return empty handed which saves me the hassle of having to clean anything. If my kids are home with me I try to take them when I go after squirrels. I'll actually be taking my son turkey hunting this year as he's old enough to hunt under Michigan's mentored youth hunting program.. He could go deer hunting but he's not quite strong enough to pull back a hunting bow and he doesn't have enough experience with guns for me to be comfortable with him using a rifle. Besides, it wouldn't do to have him show me up.
Evenings are spent back at church as I'm a sponsor for the high school youth group. It's usually a pretty good discussion as we have some really smart kids and an amazing youth minister. I'm there mainly for comic relief.
After that I head home and relax for a bit. Get the kids ready for bed, then spend some time working on this blog as well as trolling archerytalk.com. After all, no day would be complete without reading a bunch of well thought out, informative, non-biased forum posts.
Then it's off to bed.

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How to Write a Post When You Have Writer's Block.

I really couldn't think of a particular topic to write about tonight. So be forewarned, this post may not be up to my normal standards of wit and intellect.
Here's a brief recap of my week leading up to and including my hunting season so far. Keep in mind that this is the early antlerless season in Michigan. That means you can only shoot deer with less than three inches of antler on one side. For those of you who aren't familiar with deer, antlers generally come in pairs, hence the distinction.
Monday night- get a text from the associate minister at my church to let me know the Bible study I normally attend on Tuesday mornings has been moved to Thursday morning this week. Great, Thursday was the first day of the season. Oh well, I'll just go later that evening.
Tuesday-During the day take several opportunities to practice shooting.
Wednesday-Spend some more time shooting in the afternoon. Notice that d-loop on bow string is starting to fray a bit. Immediately after noticing this, proceed to draw bow, only to have release open halfway through the draw due to a bit of frayed material stuck in the jaws. Punch self in mouth and unwittingly launch arrow who knows where. Great. I decide that as long as I'm careful not to get the material stuck in the jaws I should be ok. After all, I'm going out in the morning and I just don't have time to get it replaced before then.
Wednesday night-Get a text saying Bible study is cancelled, the third member of our group hurt himself and had to go to the doctor in the morning. Well at least I get to go hunting in the morning. Crap, gotta wash my hunting clothes. Stay up until 12:30 to put hunting clothes in dryer.
Thursday morning-Excitement prevents sleeping past 4:30. Get up, shower and have some oatmeal. Wait impatiently for 6:00. Head out to truck and leave for hunting property which is less than a mile away. Turn around when halfway there because I forgot my safety harness and don't relish the idea of tumbling 20 feet to the forest floor. Make it to hunting property. Walk to stand. Climb into stand and hook up to safety harness. Pull bow up. Sit dow. Nearly mess pants when a deer blows 20 yards away because it smells me. Listen as the deer blows about a dozen more times. Convince myself that all the deer in the area HAVEN'T taken off for the next county. Wait and wait and wait for it to get light. Once it's light enough to see, stare intently at every little movement I see. Nearly mess pants when a squirrel scurries down the backside of my tree with no warning. Look off to my left and see a deer walking. Notice antlers. Dang. Wait, there's another deer behind it. Even bigger antlers. Dang. (Remember, I can only shoot does right now.) Watch in frustration as the deer meander back and forth well within shooting range. Finally deer leave. Heart rate slowly returns to normal. Hear splashing that I KNOW is deer crossing the creek. Wait, and wait, and wait. The two bucks are back. The two bucks disappear into the brush. Look across the creek. See doe. Out of range and across the property line. Doe walks off. Sit and wait, and wait, and wait. Look to far left. See four deer. Swing my bow around to draw back. Antlers on all four heads. DANG. Sit until about 10:00 when I have to go back home to get some stuff done. Go home and get some stuff done. Head back out to woods around 5:00. Back in my stand. Wait, and wait, and wait. About 7:30 stand to stretch my legs and look behind me. A deer. More antlers. DANGIT ALL!!!!! Wait until dark and go home.
Friday morning-Force myself to get up at 5:30 to hunt even though I didn't get to bed until after midnight again as I was trying to finish a blog post as well as some other things. Go to put my hunting clothes in the dryer. They're already dry. Crap, I forgot to start the washer last night. Decide God must want me to let my stand cool off for a day. Spend the day getting more stuff done. Make SURE I wash and dry my clothes before I go to bed.
Saturday morning-Up at 5:30. Shower and get dressed, head out to woods. Get in stand. Sit until about 9:30 when I have to go back home and help set up for a family reunion. Spend the day with a bunch of people that make me question how I'm even possibly related to them.
Saturday night-Sit for several hours trying to come up with something to write for my blog. This is it.

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How to Enjoy Hunting Season...A Deer's Perspective

It's that time of year again. Hunting season is upon us. In many states, deer season has already started. Here in Michigan the early doe season started yesterday. The bucks are safe at least until October 1st, or until they die of old age if I'm the one hunting them.
I thought I'd take a different approach and try to analyze what this would mean to a deer from its point of view.

As your night time ritual of decimating farmers' corn comes to a close, you notice a change in the misty air. It's not something you can see or hear or even smell...yet. You begin to saunter back to your bedding area just as the sun starts to paint the eastern sky a soft salmon color. Tendrils of fog drift through the early morning air as you step from the field into the edge of the forest.
Then you hear it. A truck door closing. From different locations, near and far, you hear the sound repeated at irregular intervals, slightly muffled by the heavy atmosphere. You know what that means. Hunting season.
You snicker to yourself. You wait all year for hunting season to roll around. You've survived your share. Granted, some of the early lessons were hard. You still limp from where that kid shot through your front leg with an arrow your first year. But now you're wiser, and have come to appreciate the entertainment to be had in the fall months.
You already know where the hunters will be. These guys use the same stands every year. In fact, you can hear one of them trying to sneak through the woods right now. You wonder how any deer are ever killed when humans are so loud, clumsy, and smelly. You see the beam from the hunter's flashlight flitting through the trees. Deciding to start the festivities off early, you move into position about ten yards from the stand. You watch the uncoordinated oaf as he wanders back and forth, cursing to himself, because he forgot which tree his stand is in. If you could laugh you would. The frustrated fellow finally finds his tree and begins his ascent. You wait until he's approximately halfway up and snort just as hard as you can and stomp away. You hear the hunter cuss some more as he nearly slips off the steps in surprise.
Ahh, good stuff, you think to yourself. So good, in fact, you do it to two other hunters you are able to find before there is enough light for their weak human eyes to see you.
Having too much fun, you decide to forgo your normal routine. You can sleep anytime.
You meander through the forest seeking out your next target.
Having located one, you walk in what appears to be a haphazard manner back and forth and around his stand. This only has the appearance of being random. You make sure that at all times there are several trees and brush between you and the hunter. You can see the intensity in his eyes as the adrenalin courses through his body. You can smell the nervous anticipation as it rolls off him in seemingly visible waves. Once you think you've brought his heart to its maximum sustainable rate, you put a tree between the two of you and walk straight away.
As the day wears on, you decide you actually do need to sleep. You make your way to your hidey hole in the local swamp and nap for a few hours.
You awake as evening approaches. Now it's time for your favorite tease. Just as the light begins to fade, you arrive at a nearby alfalfa field. You know exactly where the hunter is as he's been here several times a week hanging his stand, checking his trail cameras, and all but giving you a map and itinerary. Just before legal shooting light is gone, you prance out onto a knoll in the middle of the field, on the opposite end from the hunter. Your massive antlers are backlit by the waning light and you know, you just KNOW, that that hunter is watching you from his treestand, well out of range, cussing to himself about "stupid deer".

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How to Get Started in Bow Hunting

So you want to go bow hunting eh? Well you'd better get yourself ready. Not sure what all you need to do to get ready? Well you've come to the right place. Some have called me the consummate expert on all things hunting. For those of you who know me...stop laughing.
First things first, to go bow hunting, you need a bow. That begs the question, do you have a bow? If you do, then you're already a step ahead. If not there are literally hundreds of different bows to choose from. Pick one. It doesn't matter if  you like how the bow shoots or not, because in a year, your bow will be out of date and you wouldn't dare be caught dead with last years model. Many bows even come with a bunch of accessories such as arrow rest, sight, quiver, etc., all of which will be outdated next year as well.
Second, you'll need arrows. Again, your choices are nearly limitless. Everything from your old fashioned cedar arrows for the traditionalist; to new age, polymer coated, carbon fiber, ergonomic, aerodynamic, satellite guided, ROM optimized, hydroponic arrows that are guaranteed to hit the bulls eye regardless of how lousy your aim is.
You will also need a release, target, field tips, broadheads, camo, boots, gloves, treestands, doe pee, buck pee, fox pee, grunt tube, bleat tube, rattling horns, scent eliminating soap, scent eliminating detergent and an endless assortment of other odds and ends. Don't bother trying to acquire these all at once. No matter how much you buy, there will always be some amazing new product you just have to have.
It may be necessary to indenture one or more of your children to offset the costs of these expenses. Don't worry, it builds character.
Once you are properly equipped, you need to begin practicing shooting. Most people will recommend that you practice as often as possible all year round. I suppose for beginners or if you lack confidence in your ability that's a fine way to go about it. I suggest the more advanced method that you wait until approximately two weeks before opening day. This should be enough time to become comfortable with your bow without a lot of wasted effort throughout the year. It also has the added benefit of adding a LOT of excitement to what is normally a pretty dull time of year when something on your bow breaks and you scurry about trying to find a pro-shop that has the time to fix your problem.
Ok, so you've got all that set. Now where are you going to hunt? You might be thinking, "Duh, the woods." Well Mr. Smarty Pants, that just isn't going to cut it. First off, the woods you were thinking about hunting may be private property. I don't know too many folks that look kindly on weapon toting strangers trespassing on their land. If you happen to have land of your own or know someone that does that's fine and dandy. If not, you may have luck by going door to door asking permission to hunt someone else's land. This could be a long, depressing process as it gets harder and harder each year to find sympathetic landowners that don't require you to take out a secured loan for the privilege of hunting their woodlot. Your last, and least desirable, option is public land. I know there are a lot of hunters out there that have had a lot of success hunting public land. But really, these are hunters we're talking about. Do you really think they're being honest? In many places any public land will be swarming with hunters which can lead to some harsh words when you inadvertently disrupt someone's hunt as you didn't see him thirty feet up in a tree in full camo.
After you've determined where you will hunt all that's left is to wait for opening day, go out, and shoot yourself a critter. Easy as that.

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