Well, Haven't Seen this Place in a While.

Man, I've really been slacking on this haven't I? Sorry for that. I know how much this blog means to you. It's just that this last month had become extremely busy for me. I work 50+ hours a week. Monday nights I attend a Bible Institute being sponsored by the church at which I am a member. (You grammar people have to appreciate the way I ended that sentence.) Wednesday night is children's church for my kids. Thursday night is my care group. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it's a small group from church that meets weekly to study the Bible or other aspects of our faith. Friday nights I have to take my kids to their mom's which is a forty minute drive each way. And every other Friday night is my men's accountability group where we discuss out shortcomings and triumphs, eat, play video games, and just generally act like guys. Saturday's I work in the morning and then have the afternoon to myself. Sunday's start and end with church. Worship service in the morning, and youth group in the evening with making lunch and doing laundry at home in between. Now that all of the excuses are out of the way, I want to do a better job of keeping this up to date. That's where you come in. I want to post at least once a week, so I need you to get on me if Friday rolls around and I don't have something new up yet. Yeah, I know this isn't standard procedure for a blog, but hey, how often have you known me to do anything normal?

Okay, so we've got that out of the way. Onto what you really came here for; unparalleled writing, unsurpassed humor, and unlimited insight.

But before that, I'd like to address a concern that you may be having. You may have noticed my blogs have drifted away from the outdoor pursuits over the last few months. The reason for that is simple. I haven't been doing them for the past few months. This blog is called Hunter's Diversions. The hunter is me, and I write about my diversions, which happen to be many. Now that that is cleared up, let's move on.

I have decided to add the second installment of my interview series. Does two make it a series? Yes. Now stop asking silly questions. My interview this week is with master thespian and critically acclaimed artist Jack Matych.


HD: So, Mr. Matych, how did you first become interested in acting?

Remember in the older days of television when the opening titles of the show started and everyone always knew where the camera was and smile, or make a goofy face and shrug? It was somewhere around then. I was a really shy kid for a very long time. But I would find the time and make my smile face or goofy face and shrug to a vent plate on the door to the basement of my Grandparents house. For me, that vent was the thing the TV people were always smiling or making goofy faces and shrugging to. Sometimes I would even shake it up a bit and give a thumbs up and smile like I was the Fonz or something.

HD: And when did you make your first appearance on stage?

There are two technical answers to this. My first technical appearance on stage would be when I played Jesus for a church play when I was a kid. I don't fully remember why, but at some point things kind of got wooden on stage with the singing kids and they asked me to go out and dance to the music and I went out dressed as Jesus doing a dance resembling the cabbage patch. Not sure if it ever went with the song, though.
The second technical appearance would be when I had arranged a puppet show for the D.A.R.E. show the school was putting on when I was going to White Cloud schools. I used to arrange puppet shows and do sketch comedy in the fifth grade before we moved. I even made a "movie" to show the class as well. I think I still have that tape somewhere. I taped Ghostbusters on TV right after it. I should go find that tape!

HD: At what point did you realize your immense talent may have a negative affect on the bit actors and peons around you?

I can't help it, I'm just so awesome. Actually, that's my new mantra, "I know, I'm awesome!" I don't necessarily think I have any sort of negative effect on the actors around me. But we do have a crack team of scientists working on measuring the effect of my ability to vibrate really fast when I drink too much coffee...I really must stop doing that.

HD: You took a leave of absence from the stage. Why?

I fell into a black hole and floated around in the void of space for five years, only to emerge with a home of my own and happily married shortly after.

The lesson: My stomach is sensitive to sausage.

But I am now right back where I was then, with a few things in my favor over last time. Always wanting to get back in front of people and be myself and make 'em laugh. I wasn't feeling so funny in the black hole.

HD: And now that you're back?

I have a lot of work to do. Getting back on stage is part of what I am currently working on. I'm also trying to invent a way to make my hair seem thicker, though it's really not.

HD: What should we expect in the coming years from Jack Matych?

Right now, something I am keeping secret. I plan to let everyone know what I am working on very soon.

HD: Tell me about your current project.

I have been working on a Buck Moon comic book over the last couple of years, and thinking about looking into making them available through the digital markets like the newsstand on itunes and the nook store, etc.
I do have some film plans right now as well, but currently all I can tell you is it isn't Buck Moon...entirely. It's the secret project I'm working on.

HD: Let's move on to your artwork. How did you discover your talent as an artist?

I doodled all the time. I would try and draw the characters in the sunday comics on the floor of my Grandparents house after school most days. I still doodle. But I was probably around 8 or 9.

HD: Other than Mike VanLoon, who would you list as your greatest inspirations as artists?

Mike VanLoo-, oh, you said OTHER than Mike VanLoon. Well I have read MAD magazine for a very long time...A VERY long time. So my earliest inspirations came from Drucker, Aragones, Prohias, Berg. Later I had a lot of appreciation for artists like Van Gogh, Hopper (Nighthawks is a personal favorite of mine), and Ross...Just gonna paint that happy little bush there.
I think greatest inspiration came from John Byrne, one of my absolute favorite comic artists and writers of all time.

HD: Which of your works do you view as having the most impact? I know that's a difficult question to answer considering the magnitude of your contribution to the art world.

I don't know about any of my work that exists outside of my home which has made any real impact on anything that I am aware of. I mostly used pencils and paints. But mostly pencils. No need for an impact wrench. I'm not that kind of artist.

HD: How does the artist Jack co exist with the actor Jack?

I hate myself and he hates me. I think that makes it funny. But I'm feeling much better now.

HD: Well sir, I thank you deeply for your time. I know my readers will appreciate your wit and insight as much as I do.

Well I was happy to contribute, good sir. May the road rise up to meet you, I think is how it goes. If not, it sounded good and I hope you all enjoyed it.

You be the Judge

My victim is not even aware of my presence. My foot steps go unnoticed as I cross the field, my feet sinking slightly into the black soil. My hands grasp my victim and my blade hacks through the soft tissue. My steel rends the vessels that provided life and vitality. Life flows from the un-moving form in my hands. The only sound...my breath. The organism that once held so much life, withers.

*     *     *

I approach my victim. She stands there, staring at me. She is not afraid, simply too stupid to understand the danger as she has been conditioned to trust me. My hands tense around the handle of my weapon. My left foot comes slightly forward. My lungs expand as I prepare. The final motion begins with the contraction of several muscles in my back and arms. With a swift stroke, my arms race in an arc over my head, and the hammer lands solidly between her eyes. The kinetic energy of my blow is transferred into her skull. Her cranium is shattered and blood vessels rupture as shards of bone lance into her brain. She crumples to the floor at my feet. Residual electrical impulses cause slight twitching which quickly subsides.

*     *     *

The muscles in my fingers contract slowly and evenly drawing the trigger backward. The firing pin springs forward striking the primer. A small spark. The gunpowder ignites, gasses expand causing the bullet to begin it's journey. It travels down the barrel, the rifling forcing it to spin. The bullet exits the muzzle with a gout of flame and an explosion of noise. It slices through the air, it's rotation stabilizing it's trajectory for the short journey to it's target. The projectile reaches it's destination. It strikes my victim's chest. Skin rips apart and bones are shattered as the small piece of lead enter's the chest cavity. The resistance of the flesh forces the bullet to deform and expand causing more and more damage as it travels through the body. It bores through the heart and lung. The injury is fatal but the malignant trespasser has not yet finished it's gruesome journey. As it leaves the lung it encounters more ribs causing even more expansion. When it finally exits the body, the wound is many  times larger than the original size of the bullet. My victim tries to flee, a reaction of instinct. But the body refuses to cooperate with the orders of the mind. I approach the prostrate form, my heart racing from the exhilaration. 


I'm a vegetarian. Want a salad?
I'm a farmer. Want a burger?
I'm a hunter. Want some venison?